In conclusion, i have SI BEI GUAILAN teammates (:
Hahaha, come here just to annoy me -.-

Anyway, just came back from school. Stayed back for the sec1 orientation campfire. Okay la, not too bad. The PA system was good so the atmosphere was certainly better than the last year's. Hmm, before that had the CCA Roadshow. Wasn't actively involved. I went to the canteen to day-dream and drink. Felt so lost. Didn't feel like i belong anywhere. Not volleyball, not 4M2. I don't even know myself anymore. I hate it when i hate myself.


As for another source of my concern, it's like this;
Imagine yourself running a long marathon. After so long, you can finally see the finishing line without anyone else in front of you. Perhaps, at the side or behind you. Confidence and momentum all built up. All that's left to do is that one last kick to achieve that gold medal. All of a sudden, you feel a stone in your shoes. And there's two ways to handle this:

One; Continue running with the discomfort, hoping that nothing will go wrong.
Two; Stop, take the stone out of the shoe then sprint the last lap.

Both have their disadvantages. For the first, anything can happen. There is no certainty you'll get there, unharmed. For the second, there is no guarantee you'd ever get there, before the last runner. You would even make things worse than it already is.
So how?

Seriously, i feel like i have a hand, four fingers and a thumb. All so perfect on the surface, but there's one finger you can't move. The index finger. It plays a significant role, like the other fingers. True, the thumb and the middle finger can operate well even without the index, but there will always be a defection. The hand can no longer function as well. The frustration, of not being able to even lift that finger up, is indeed devastating.

"I want to lift that finger up. I don't wish to ignore it because i know it's part of my hand. IT IS PART OF ME."

If conceding defeat is what you want me to do, then i'll gladly oblige. Whatever it takes. This is our las shot at glory. You know that as well as i do. Come on, put differences aside please?