First things first.
Let me tell you! Today has been a total... Hmmm. I really don't know how to describe this feeling. Okay, let's just say it's bizarre.

Let me give you a situation. You are the champion in your zone, and in the national round, you meet the team who got the fourth placing in the same zone. Confident?

Next one. Let's say your team had just made the most crucial mistake of losing a match that you shouldn't have, resulting in a must-win-or-die situation. The team you would be facing with, the powerhouse of girls volleyball team. Okay, make it harder. Simply winning isn't enough. You must win them 2sets down. So how about now, confident?

Hah. Let's just say, there's a reason for anything and everything. Life is strangely unpredictable.

On the last note,
WE GOT INTO NATIONAL TOP4!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With jurong. Sorry phs.

I'm trying to keep my spirits high :D
Oh tmr. The true test of our team spirit.

Just now, could probably our last training together. No, we won't let it happen so soon right guys? It's a battle, that we have to fight. There's no turning back now.
I swear i saw zhiyee's eyes tear. It's that sad...

Hmm. On the more cheerful note, me and guihua just bitch-ed our way home just now. For once, lingying had nothing to do with it! Haha! It was seriously a good laugh for me man! Super hilarious. Super lame uh!

Hah, intense. (feeling the heat)

Alright then, shall not blabber on. Whether or not we continue our fight for top4 after tmr's match, is up to us now. And i, shall do my vb-related homework. Wish us luck!

I've been thinking about it.
Day and night, as long as i was conscious, there's no escape.
But one thing's for sure, the desire is burning hotter than ever.
Let's question the impossible.

This is where a story starts...

Ayam: "Keep calm, don't get distracted. Focus on the ball. Don't dwell on your mistakes and most importantly, be confident."
I'll remember that :)

Labels: /concentration, composure

I'm soooooooooo tired now.
Just got home from training. I guess, yesterday was still the best. Hahah.
Went to coolman after training and home straight.

Super beat now uh.
Nap time!

Wooooooooo.
Yesterday was a bad day. 26March, mark that on the calendar- Bad Ayams Day :D
Hahah.

On the contrary, today was great. Apart from the 7hrs of emo mode, the day turned out to be one worth remembering. 2.4km run for NAPHA test this morning. Well, i think i did better than the last time, so i'm rather contented :D Felt slightly unwell after that -.- WEAK. Hah, timed practice after school. After that, we went to watch video, thrash out all doubts and started training not long after.

Started out with the blocking thing. Quite effective. I like where i'm standing now:D Makes me feel not-so useless :D Heh heh. Then we played match with old seniors! Wooooo. Won one set. The other two were close, but it's alright. I enjoyed the match man. Should have done this wayyyyyyyyyy earlier :( Hai, it's okay. Played till 7.30. Yeay!

I can do it! WE can do it! Jiayou bah.

Today, was a nightmare that i couldn't wake up of.
For history to repeat itself twice like this, i am sure i'd sever all ties with myself if i were to screw up again. Teammates were there to back me up today. Am very thankful for that. I apologise for letting you guys down and making all of you felt so helpless.

Truth is, I was scared. I was completely not on form, and the opponent obviously wasn't making my day any better. For once in my three-four years of playing and competing, i dare say that i was overwhelmed by fear today.

Frankly, a lot of things went through my mind as the game was progressing. One of which was, the moment when we had lost to cedars two years back, at the exact same court. I couldn't help but feel so helpless and traumatised by that sudden flashback. No matter how hard i tried to forget them, they just kept coming back. I was scared. I was scared.

On top of that, i did the exact same thing that i did during U16, that had caused us to get kicked out of the first round even. Damn, the feeling sucked. No, it sucks.

I was lucky that this didn't cost a place in top4. Today, i finally realised that all this while, i was the only one who had lost faith in me. I will not let this happen again.

Can't get myself to sleep.
Oh man, i'm not even sure if my class is having 2.4km napha test tmr -.-
She (PE tcher) did say it's tmr right? Or is it next week?

Haiyo. Quarter finals starts tmr. Kicking off with xinmin. I have a feeling i'd forget to bring something tmr. Hmmmmmm. Will it be the long socks? Or the jersey? Gah.

Feeling ever so lonely each time i switch this laptop on these days. So many online, yet, i feel all alone. It's so different from the past, when i felt surrounded by friends/acquaintances. What could be the reason.

Ever thought of switching to a diary and a pen? Actually, i have resorted to that, but somehow, it never lasted long enough for me to see the last page -.-

So much for the traditional method.

Zzzzz. 10.30 now. Shall try to sleep.
Goodnight :D

Yesterday was family day :D
Went to aunt house and watched dear cousin perform on stage. Haha, cute uh.
Left at 8?

Today. Woke up at 7.30. One of those days where i can't wait to wake up again. No reason why. It's just that, these days, sleeping has really become a chore.

School tmr. I'm getting the jitters. I don't know why. Going to get my phone fixed. Maybe will be without phone for a few days. zZzzzzzz.

"Do good as if you'll die tmr, work as if you're going to live forever."

Sometimes, it's dampening to know that the barrier is always there and hard to overcome.
Life is not all that fair. Even when you have the brains, you may not have the means to get to your dreams.
Knowing that it's never enough, to be slightly above average and fighting on may not always offer expected returns...
It's demoralising.
How i wish this problem never existed.

I want to break free.
Free from this cycle.

I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
GRRRRRRRR.

Yesterday had friendly with VS cboys. Crap shit. I don't know what had gotten into me.
Felt much better after it ended. Went to comp lab for analysis. After that, played match with cgirls. I played libero and san hao :D Libero was the best! Hahha.
I was so lucky to have picked up a $50 note, but i guess i was too honest le bah. Heard zhiyee asking around frantically if anyone had seen the money. Aww, her face super scared man. PALE. HAHA.

Oh yeah, thanks lingying:D For listening to me yesterday. Feeling better now.
Teammates, let's all do our best okay! Let me feel the love again :D

Hmmm. Holidays are as good as gone. One more sunday and monday will come.

Sweat sweat, sweat it out.

Hmmmm. Woke up early and switched the laptop on. Bloghopped--- I was bored. Then went to do math. Nearing 2pm, i went out. Walked around lot1 for awhile. Was feeling a little down. Plus, my ears were blasted with emo songs. Zzzzzzz. Saw Demas :D He looked pretty, hmm, happy? Okay, so this shows that you don't have to be in top JCs to feel good. When i heard about his transfer, i was kind of shocked. But i guess, he had reached a crossroad in his life where he had to choose the path he wanted to take. I have to take my hat off him man. That action that he took, it took a lot of courage, and he was firm. Role model?

Hahah. Take charge of my life.

Hmm, had training. Did one drill. ONE drill. The drill that we could never reached the target for. Got a few people pissed off. I, for one, was.

But today was super funny! I saw someone fall in front of me!! For no reason -.- HAHAH. Okay, she was WALKING and i was RUNNING, cos there was this annoying 'siren' sound and it was amplified in the indoor sports hall. To make it worse, I was screaming for the fun of it :D And there SHE was, beside me. And she fell. (Don't worry Hazirah. Won't say it's YOU) HAHAHA, super funny la. I was stunned for a couple. But i burst into laughter not long after. And she chased me-.- paiseh bah she! HAHAHAH.

During the drill, CHARIS tripped over her own leg too. OMG. Like Jiayu. -.- My teammates are kind of... clumsy! HAHAH. Okay, they fell in front of me okay. it's like, i have super powers or something! Hahah. Okay, crap.

Anyway, we had friendly with hwachong yesterday. Personally, i felt that only the first and last set was well-played. Hah, 3-3. Draw?

Super tired now man.

By the way, I DIDN'T KNOW YELLOW WAS THE CHAMPION for sports carnival -.- Woohoo! :D Is this the first time? Hahah. Okay, whatever.

Another friendly tmr morning. It's with Victoria Sch cboys. yeah, the guys. Zzzzz. I thought it'd be VJC, but no, it's VS. Jiayou bah.

It's hard to breathe.
The end is near, but it feels like it is alr over.

Find a reason to be optimistic again, a!

Change, change.
I need a change.

Hmmm. Immersing myself in sec3 work.
For some reason, i'm enjoying it. -.-

Okay, friendly with hwachong later. Was told that the ex-phs setter is now the setter for hc. Wah, she went hc.

Hmm, i don't think DSA's going to be an option for me. It adds pressure you know. Haha. Going to work hard for _____ :D Not going to opt through DSA, cos i don't want to get tied down by it.

Did i mention that i'm through with my current cca? Yeah, after the nationals, no more. Haha, NOT that i'm sick of vb okay! I just want a change of environment:D

Guess what? I think i have a job secured after the Os :D
Yeah , most likely. The manager asked for me okay! Hahah.
On my birthday last month, i went to bugis junction rmb? To find my sis at her workplace. I kind of helped out a little, and her manager asked if i wanted to work there too. I was tentative, and she told me to find her after my Os :D

Good right? Haha. It's F&B la. Not too bad.

SO i guess, i'm halfway done with the post-exams activity. For now, just need to put everything together. I AM GOING TO __________ ! :D

WOOOOOO.

Changed my msn acc.
Add if you want :D

Hmmm. Went for a morning run. Soon after, it rained.
Training later. Suddenly, i'm looking forward to it. Well, so long as we don't end up training juniors, i'm fine with it. I don't wish to spend my last few trainings on others. Call me selfish. Haha.

Speaking of last few trainings, going to step down in a few weeks' time. Excited? Sad? Hah. Not too sure. But i guess i need a break from all the 'shit'. It's going to be 4years.

Still remember how 'pleasant' the start of the journey was. Sec1s. HAH! We were young, and carefree. Wondered how sec4 life would be. So now, we got it. And i can't say it's totally stressful or anything. In fact, i'm loving it. To be frank, things have been going they way i want it to be since the start of the year. Hopefully, it stays that way man.

Alright. Going back to my maths. Oh yeah, i'm still waiting for the right time to start heymath-ing :S

Sports Carnival turned out alright, I guess.

Okay, i want to dedicate this part of the post to a classmate, who made an impact on me today.
This person, made me realised that a great sportsman is not just only of fantastic skills, but one with great perseverance, and a never-say-die attitude. Even though we entered the finals(netball), knowing that it was a confirm-lose match for us, she showed me that it is still important to give my all in order to put on a good fight. Yes, even when you know you're the underdog. Despite all odds, she truly delivered her best, and she deserves my respect. She reminds me of this saying, which goes something like, "Failure is not certain until you give up trying."

It was definitely unfortunate when she ended up spraining her ankle. I feel guilty for not giving more support in court. It was even more heart-wrecking, when i learnt about the many things that she was looking for today, one of which was her last training ever with her teammates. In the end, ms aza and ms lim sent her to hospital.

Thankfully, it was just a sprain. No fracture or anything.

And the person i was referring to was Nisa :)

The guys are the champions for the volleyball inter-class comp. We came in 2nd in netball inter-class. Not bad uh :D

Alright. I'm tired. Sleeping time!

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY, AMANDA CHEW! :D
Haha, so fast 17. The oldest in the team sia! Okayokay, all the best in future endeavours yeah?

Alright. So today marks the end of Top16. Very sad for those who didn't make it further. For some, it should mark the end of volleyball 'career' in secondary sch life le bah. Hmm.

But, you know, WE are into top8 :D
Yay, won st.hilda's 2-0 just now, making us zhengmen in group D. Wah, so fast end le.
The schools that entered TOP8 :

Group1
-Bukit Panjang Govt. High
-Presbyterian High
-XinMin Sec
-Jurong Sec

Group2
-Nanyang Girls'
-NgeeAnn Sec
-Cedar Girls'
-Dunman Sec
__________________________________________________________
So, is this a good draw? Haha. As usual, we'll all wait and see :D

Sports Carnival tmr. Personally, i think it's like.... lame. Haha. Cos the timing very wrong la -.-
I'm desperate for sleep.

St. Hilda's match tmr.
Oh yeah, today's training was kind of, a waste of time. Hah.

Having Chemistry SPA tmr. Go on smoothly please.

All right. All the best to everyone.
Jiayou ayam.

I sprained my index finger again. How pathetic -.-
Zzzzzzzz.
Now my thumb and index finger on my right hand are hurting like %^&*^&

Just great.

FYI, school has been fantastic :D I mean it. Yeah, i mean it.

Yay, no training today!~
Went home right after dismissal :D
I guess, it's back to the sec1 times, where training didn't exist in my to-do list.
Somehow, nostalgic.

Hah. I think the sec4 teachers common test level meeting just ended. Oh my, i wonder what will become of me :(
Don't know why, but all the teachers that came into class today all talked about our PSLE aggregate. Whenever they did that, i'd just pretend i don't know anything. Hah, zzzzz.

Must be wondering what happened along the way? Hai, i'm not too sure either. But i know, i had lost focus. Plus everything else just.. Okay nevermind. All i know is that i finally know what it's like to be at the bottom. If i ever get out of this 'alive', i'll use this experience to teach myself a lesson. Hah.

Okay, i'm tired. Going to have a short nap. Work afterwards.

Sunday, Sunday...

Bleah~

Saturday's afternoon naps are thy best! Hahah.

Hmmm, woke up early today, and went to school. Had friendly with pjc. Ironically, all the pjc people reached earlier than us, even the coach. Err, very awkward sia. Haha, finally found mr steven for the ISH key :D

Set up everything, and warmed up. Played the first two sets. Setting very off, charis' was better. Hmm, then charis played the other two, before leaving (to i-don't-know-where). Played with the newbie guys too :D Newbie la, cos they just started learning. But abit noob! Hahah, no offence but they were tall, so that should make up for the lack in skills bah! Hahah. Yeah, then watched penghan, shawn play with tianfong, zuokun they all. All BP alumni. Nice match to watch.
Lastly, played another set with the girls. Won all :D Yay.

During the wo shou part, yanshuang never tap my hand :( She whacked it! Haha, the pain was @#$%^&* cos my thumb and palm somehow went in separate directions. Omg, now abit swollen. Sad case.

We went for lunch at food culture after that. Super funny sia. Guihua said i laughed at everything they say. And it's true. Hahah, funny. Then her sister came. Wah their faces are like.... Super similar! Same same de. And i think i stared at her throughout without even realising it -.- Hahah, i was damn amazed at the resemblence! Come on la, it's not everyday that you get to see doubles! Hahah, but thereafter, i found her stare scary. Don't know why. Scary aura. DON'T LET ME SEE YOU AGAIN! Hahahah. (haiyo, she lives near me sia) Jiaxin and her sis were at lot1 too! Another pair that resembles each other a freaking lot! Hahah. Then lingying's aunt appeared too. All at the same time. Then i told ly that they looked similar too! Hahaha, she looked a little annoyed then she say, "Of cos la -.- I look like my father and she's my father's sister mah!" Hahah. What a day.

Sad.
It has been a sad day for me :(

Sad because of my life. And for a friend. Hai. Been reading vb players' blogs. Just realised that we only have... 5-6 matches MAX with each other. Hah, to be honest, instead of feeling sad or anything, i'm quite optimistic about it. Hah.

Couldn't go career fair today. Even though people said it's boring or whatever shit, i still look forward to the day i can go for it myself. Hah. Don't ask me why i'm so eager to go. You won't understand.

Don't wish to talk anymore. For now, i just want to let go.

Wooooo. Back from lrt trip with xinni.

Had match with punggol earlier on. 2-0 Quite a lethargic match la. The referree said blowing the whistle also lan san? Haha, or was that word used to describe us? -.- Hmmm. Zzzz. Alot of moodswings here and there~ Haha, but it's okay i guess.

Before that, had school. Kenny was moodswings too. Hah, don't know why, but he was okay nearing end of school time. Wah. I just realised that when it comes to typing a post, i'll only have two things; training and rambles on workload.. Zzzzzzz. No life.

Super tired. There's career fair tmr, and i want to go. But, teacher-in-charge dont let us go -.- Super shit. I'm really getting sick of training. I'm sorry but i am. To me, it's just taking away part of my 24hours in a day. I'm exhausted to be really honest. And it's no one's fault.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Going to have a super long sleep.

Wooooooo. Been real busy man. Zzzzzz.
With school, timed practice, training and matches. Crazy.

Oh yeah, just now, i was stuck in the freaking LRT for 40mins plus? Hahh, some technical problem. Wasted my time. Just finished add maths homework. Mr Ng is like giving us work everyday and expects us to hand in by the next day. So yeah, bloody s..... Okay, just unreasonable. He thinks we got all the time in the world for his work man. But having said that, it's good la, in a way.

Going to have four hours of sleep tonight. Have to complete ss corrections. Ms tay wants it by morning assembly. She also another one! Haiyo. Hahah.

Okay, got to go sleep! Goodnight :D

Hah, it's the 1st of march. Let me see... I'm left with 5-6months. The big Os... Hmmmmm. Watching antbully~ Woke up at 8 today. Had my breakfast alr. Going to start revision in a bit. Can't lose out!

No life currently. Oh wait, hasn't it been like that since sec1? -.- Haha. Aww so sad. Nevermind la. Committed sia :) Okay, it's obvious that i have nothing to post. But yeah.

Gone.