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I like this song :) Haa. You know, after so long, i've grown to be more sensible. I am finally seeing how valuable kinship is, how i value family ties so much. Like they say, 'Nothing beats kinship." But having said that, i feel a tinge of regret, for only realising it now. She's gone. Gone for good. Still, i'm glad i have a family, and caring aunts, who are willing to put up with my social ineptness. Sad to say, i was the one struggling to get along, but people mistake that as me, being arrogant. I don't mean to give that kind of impression, but i can't help it, really. Was too bothered about how people would think. Now, finally, i'm living a life. Upon realization, i find that i'm working hard to get a better life, for the peple around me. I really want this. Haaaaaa. I seriously need to readjust my body clock. Have to get down to serious business after fasting month. I can feel myself lagging behind. (am currently working on speech draft2 with sleepy eyes) Sucks ttm. Anyway.. You know something? Have been struggling to get myself to sleep. Hmm. Probably because i've been eating quite later than i usual do. And digestion takes place. Yeahh. You know what i mean.
Hah. Have been short-tempered too lately, plus i have short attention span. Okay, i don't know why i'm rambling here. Got to finish work. I have this fear. I don't know how to describe it. It's always there; never once stop lingering. Everytime i laugh, i'm hoping to drive it away. When i breathe, i'd hold my breath for as long as i could, for it's the only instant when i could take the troubling feeling off my chest. But... But it can only last that long. Who am i kidding? I'm not making myself feel any better, for what i'm doing is running away. For once, i admire those of courage, who dares to face their fears right back and taking them on. Indeed i ought to learn how to face these fears, instead of constantly making futile attempts to escape. For the fears will always be there, unless i brace myself and take them on. "Everyone will get there. But in our case, it's a matter of who will get there in time." Morbid? Hahhh. Haiyo, brain dead. There's two pieces of work yet to be completed. Dang. Been doing math papers the past few days and it seems like the right side of my brain's on a strike or something. Just can't seem to sit down and write essays. Eee. The two sides are taking turns to function. Anyway, you know on tv, there's this ad by TODAY, about the turning ballerina? It's so freaky how different people see it differently. I, for one, saw the thing turning clockwise, but after trying hard to figure out how people would see it turn the other way, and succeeding in doing so, i haven't been able to see it spinning clockwose anymore. What does that mean, anyway? Is it all in the mind? Sheesh. I'm going crazy. There isn't one night that i can sleep without thinking about the things i could still do... Insane. So there goes the five-day 'holiday'. I didn't do much :( apart from going to school every day to do work from 8.30-4/5pm, i didn't do anything else. Sad life. Anyway, played with the bgirls this morning :) Exciting eh... Sophia, tiffany and all came back too. The last set was crazy; Bgirls08 vs Bgirls07(+junhao) It was tight man. Gahh. Hahh, made me use up 3/4 of my energy= low attention span Decided to forgo the day's study session and went straight home to bathe and sleep. But heck, only got an hour nap :( I have no idea why i'm still up at this hour. A loss. A great loss. He's right; I don't think i'll ever interact with these people again. Just, forget and move on? One chapter after the other. A new target, a new beginning, new people, new environment... I guess, that's how i am, ever-changing. Realised that i've never stick to an environment for more than four years. Towards the end, i'd always detach myself, preparing to adapt to new people, new places... Forget everything and move on. Keep moving on, never looking back. This is how i am. I'm individualistic. Soon, another period will end. Plus, looking at how things are now, i doubt i'll ever look back, to the life i had in bpvb. A thing of the past. For all you know, after graduation, you'd never see me again. Hmm. Just thought that i should let this out... Had a talk with ms lim yesterday, and i've come to realise, how ironic things may turn out. It seems like the people we have ignored or put down the past year and 3/4, are those you can count on for support... At some point, i think i've really run out of words to say. How, hmm, how strange. Now, the thought of having to seek help from those whom i've neglected the past year or so, makes me feel so bad. Lousy. Hah. Such irony. |
