I skipped school today, cos i felt feverish in the morning.
Well, actually, i needed time to complete my PI, which is totally not gonna make it.

I'm doing things half-heartedly, and i hate the outcome of things now. Nothing i do was as great as the last time. I feel like a loser now wth. And i know i shouldn't be thinking too much....

But i just can't help it. I'm really lagging behind the rest. Suddenly, i feel so helpless about everything.
Yesterday, during PE, i ran 1.6km. I felt so xinku, and i didn't know why my back felt like it's strained. I couldn't make big strides, and i was the last to run in. Finally after my rounds, i sat at the corner, clutching my back like in pain.

I excused myself to the toilet, and i couldn'tstop my tears. I cried a river. But i knew it wasn't so much due to the back pain. It was helplessness that pulled me to the ground. I felt terrible.

In the evening, i went to work. The pain had subsided, but part of it still lingered. I felt so restricted suddenly, and i began thinking, "What do i really want?"
I know i will not give up on anything right now, apart from studies which i'm losing grip of. But i know it's time i gave up something else, because i want to complete my JC course within two years. Not three, not more. Only two years. It wasn't until yesterday that i realised i was pushing myself too hard for the unpurposeful.

Though i can't bear to leave them in the lurch. I've come so far.

Yet, there's something bigger to accomplish.

They say, "If you want to get hold of something big, you have to first let go of the small things in your grip."

Perhaps, i should start thinking sensibly.