Seize the day?

I've Got A Stalker! hahaaha

2011-04-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

After months of MIA, i've finally decided to write... Well, today marked the start of the season for 2011. Not that good a start, since we failed to defeat our opponent, even though we did well for warm-ups and stuff. A little disappointed - that i can't deny.

Oh well. Maybe today's match serves as a lesson for all, particularly me. I need to do more, i have to do more for my team. Can't hide behind people's shadows forever. I have to start depending on myself, even if it risks letting my weaknesses be exposed. That's how we learn, no?

Sigh... Still thinking about the match no doubt. But i shouldn't think already. We just have to take down the other two schools in our group. We need to get into top 8. I need to buy time... Time to fight with people of same objectives.... I like this team... i really enjoy fighting alongside with them. It's like, if it seems like there's nothing left to fight for, we fight for ourselves. And i ask this question; Why did I not go to PJC last year? Things could've turned out different.........

I like to think that i'm here for a purpose. It keeps me going...

Anyway, after match we watched our two other opponents play, before heading back to school Had team lunch and we totally wrecked the food ban diet~ hahaha. Been suppressing my cravings for spicy stuff the whole week you know! Then, rested awhile till 1pm, when i headed for class, chemistry. Okay, got back my graded assignment. Abit cui leh, just passed. And the worst thing is, everything was careless mistakes. Teacher expected better from me. I expected better of myself. Hah. oh well.

Met up with the 3As (andrea, audrey and ahmala) and headed down to bukit merah for training. Okay, damn slack, abit sian already. Played awhile, had match also..... till 6.30pm? then took coach's car to mrt............... he's quite unfriendly leh. NOT that i am any friendlier, but, he's damn confusing. It's like, he wants to open up yet tries to keep a distance at the same time. And that makes me uncomfortable, seriously.

Hmmmm, should i text andrea now? zi high on facebook again?? hahahaha. waste time only. I should start on my math soon. major, major crisis lor my math right now. Neglected it for so long. Damn suck already....

Okay, next time update again bah.. Until then, i'll be thinking about season, and more season. I really want it that bad. At least a top8..

Lastly, I love andrea, ahmala, audrey, chinyee, esther, gina, wan kee, zu hui, zi feng, wenyi, patricia and the ever-so-blur vanessa!!! PJ ace~!!

Wooo

2010-11-24T10:22:00.002+08:00

This place needs a revamp.

Hmmm. Hi there. Haven't been active for so long. heh. Finally got enough to get me writing last night, but i was just too tired from work. And yes, i'm still working despite wanting to leave. Hah, it has been a roller coaster ride, and it's a long story.

It was my official one year in Fish&Co ten days ago. I felt really connected at one moment but any time right now, i just feel so lost, so lost because the people whom i so cherish and treated like family all left for other outlets, be it be choice, or obligation. The other one who's still here isn't the same anymore. True colours exposed, no?

Working with three 'new' managers who dislike the sight of you doesn't make life here easy. You go home unappreciated, as i take comfort in solely, the satisfaction derived (of course, the money too albeit little). It's really disheartening to know your old family isn't going to come back for you, not in the near future at least.

Okay, this has to be mere introduction because my purpose of writing today isn't about this. i want to discuss human rights. well, unfairly distributed human rights to be specific. Through the days and weeks of knowing the ang moh kio staff, whom i must say, have sought refuge in Bugis, i find them rather pleasant (as friends, not colleagues maybe). They're a happy lot, and Lily, for one, does bring alot more joy and laughter to the kitchen than there already is. It's good to feel happy about work, without being totally oblivious/ignorant about your fellow workmates nor your work.

Something happened yesterday before closing that left me in anger. I felt indignant for myself as i was wronged, misunderstood and sarcastically reprimanded? By, of course, the drama queen. Was spewing vulgarities to myself as Lily must've heard, as she drew closer to ask if i was okay. I went on and on rambling about my indignance but she shared with me instead, about how much bad treatment they had to stomach, being foreign workers from a largely populated country, the republic of china. I could well sense sadness of being far away from home, family, and country.
For that moment, i got to see her vulnerable side. My heart sank as she stood by the sink, pretty discouraged by all that she has had to tolerate. All in the bid of earning some money.

Surprisingly, everything that she said made me ponder about my own life, how, easily i could be pushed down despite the setback being so minor. For that moment it seemed so easy to take everything in my stride. Then again, what's my setback compared to hers, or kat for that instance. I felt so relieved in that second. Knowing me, i would have brought back the anger home, carrying it to work the next day, on my face like i always do- the spoilt kid.

Well, I'm 17. And as dzul said, i will meet more people as i grow older, and definitely get f***ed more times than i could possibly imagine (not literally of course!). I should only learn how to handle this, an hopefully one day, when i really do fall hard on my ass, i can stand up straight quickly, and strike again ;)

Carpe diem!

P.s :Excited, turning 18 in two months~

Will post something up sooooon

2010-08-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

2010-06-17T03:51:00.002+08:00

Listening to Tong hua - Guang Liang

"Hai... I'll trust you forever, with all my heart. Because when you reach out to me, my heart gives way. I melt...

But shit. This is wrong.

Yet, i don't fear of possible betrayal. I don't mind being a product of manipulation. Because i enjoy the warmth that you bring me. And I want to cherish you forever.

Though it's one-sided. "

-somewhere in me

2010-06-12T01:39:00.003+08:00

So many ants crawling around. I wonder why.
(With so much rubbish lying around in the room)

Hai. One by one, they're leaving me here. All the laughter, joy and the happy happy heeehee-haha days seem to be distant. Somehow i miss the times when i had no worries, but the scoldings from ate alma, winnie, and everyone else.

Even nam found her happiness out there, following the path that su has gone before her.
And though i left things out of place before she left (maybe driving her into quitting idk), i really, really miss her alot. But i know she'll never feel the same, since her heart is busy with her new stead. I know where i stand, and maybe i was the one who shook you off in the first place. I didn't listen to you.

And that bus trip on 14 was probably the last thing i'll remember us doing.
Oh well.

And maybe, winnie is right. I must learn to let go. Let go of all the things that i can't afford to think about anymore. I've always thought and worried about everything- be it past, present or future. And the weight of the whole world..... It's not for me to shoulder. I'm only 17. Remember? All i ever wanted was to stay happy. But can i? While worrying about everything? When it doesn't even help?

Darn.
April's right too. I must enjoy what i do, since i'm doing it already, be it on my own accord or otherwise. It won't help if i don't, you know. And it's true that nothing works if you hate doing what you do.

It's mentally tiring to be constantly looking for something which is already lost.
Solution? Stop the negativity. Be strong, and carry on.

Because from what i've learned, even if i think of them, they don't think of me.

2010-05-26T21:23:00.001+08:00

I need you so much closer right now... but i can't say it out.

2010-05-12T19:23:00.002+08:00

I'm only 17.

I don't have to try so hard to take everything in myself.
You can't expect me to be strong enough to ignore the things thrown into my face.
I'm only 17.

I thought i was strong enough, but apparently, i wasn't. Because i cared too much. Which is.... Wrong?

I don't know. At this point, i refuse to accept it.

2010-04-20T10:32:00.002+08:00

I skipped school today, cos i felt feverish in the morning.
Well, actually, i needed time to complete my PI, which is totally not gonna make it.

I'm doing things half-heartedly, and i hate the outcome of things now. Nothing i do was as great as the last time. I feel like a loser now wth. And i know i shouldn't be thinking too much....

But i just can't help it. I'm really lagging behind the rest. Suddenly, i feel so helpless about everything.
Yesterday, during PE, i ran 1.6km. I felt so xinku, and i didn't know why my back felt like it's strained. I couldn't make big strides, and i was the last to run in. Finally after my rounds, i sat at the corner, clutching my back like in pain.

I excused myself to the toilet, and i couldn'tstop my tears. I cried a river. But i knew it wasn't so much due to the back pain. It was helplessness that pulled me to the ground. I felt terrible.

In the evening, i went to work. The pain had subsided, but part of it still lingered. I felt so restricted suddenly, and i began thinking, "What do i really want?"
I know i will not give up on anything right now, apart from studies which i'm losing grip of. But i know it's time i gave up something else, because i want to complete my JC course within two years. Not three, not more. Only two years. It wasn't until yesterday that i realised i was pushing myself too hard for the unpurposeful.

Though i can't bear to leave them in the lurch. I've come so far.

Yet, there's something bigger to accomplish.

They say, "If you want to get hold of something big, you have to first let go of the small things in your grip."

Perhaps, i should start thinking sensibly.

2010-04-01T06:04:00.002+08:00

Yeah man! I'm all ready for school..! (Okay, maybe not. Some tutorials 're undone!)

Hmmmmm. Kind of learned my lesson yesterday, was nearly nearly nearly late for school. Imagine me still at Buona Vista MRT at 7.20am! Darn. Was perparing myself mentally for dc tmr then (which is today). But still, i hang onto the last 'strand' of hope that i could, somehow, get there in time. Ran like some mad ass.

Miraculously, i reached. WITHIN 6min! how about that! Damn heng laa. But shit, i was sweating like crap. ehhhh, WHO CARES RIGHT?? I wasn't late! ;)

So today, can't take the chance. Working later so can't afford to go for dc, which ends at 6pm!

Yay. Today's timetable will follow friday's! End at 1.50! Yayyyyyyy.
but eh, i need to attend fat club from 430 to 530.

Hope i wo't be late for work!

PS: Dzul got a chance to serve FELICIA CHIN!!! DAMN. Why can't she come tonight insteaddddddd :( awwwwwww. Missed the chance! Eeeyerh, dzul!!!!!!!!

Alrighty, got to go!

2010-03-31T03:08:00.002+08:00

It's 3am! And i just woke up :) *stretches*
i'm feeling rather at ease right now; i just love the way the wee hours make me feel.

hmmmmmmm. well, got to honest, i haven't been coping too well with the workload, albeit the slack cca that i decided to join eventually... But at least, i'm contented.

My classmates turned out to be fine people. A few with loose wiring here and there, but still, fine people. Managed to identify those whom i can talk to, and well, a couple of not-so-real people too. oh well, at least there's a balance.

Was working the other night, saturday night if i wasn't mistaken. Rushed to work right after fun-o-rama, and got myself involved in the never-ending buzz. Yes, i was tired, but i felt at home. perhaps, i'v always longed for this feeling, the warmth of hugging the ones you care about. Okay, anyway, decided to stay out with nam after work. well, chat chat. I MISS HER SO MUCH! no kidding! That girl's been so busy with everything, that i hardly see her anymore.

(cheryl, i miss you too!)

i'm blessed with so many of these wonderful people around me. and for that, i find strength to carry on.

2010-03-19T01:35:00.002+08:00

My love is somewhere out there.

Yo. I feel like making wishes now.
Firstly, i wish for all those i care for to be happy, and by that, i hope they'll be free of trouble, so that they can spare some time for me.

secondly, i hope for strength to overcome these two years.

lastly, i hope i don't lose any friends anytime soon. don't make me miss them...

okay, i'm done wishing. now, i got to sleep. goodnight people!

2010-03-04T23:57:00.003+08:00

Yucks man, i totally hate reading my emo posts.

Hmmm, let's put all that 'emo-ing' aside, cos i had a great day today!
Firstly, i got to miss a few periods of lessons to go down to BPGHS! How awesome is that. Heh, went straight up outside the staff room to ring miss tay up, using the whatyoumaycallit phone thingy. Strangely, she was like, "Err who is this?" WALAO EH, a mere few months and she had forgotten my voice :( How sad right! HAHA, But soon after, she came out and we started talking and talking but she had class. Darn.

Totally neglected the coupons that i was supposed to sell. HA. But, thanks to my 'connections' in that school, i sold 10 within 30mins, some were even sold unintentionally. How great is that???!

Yay, finally got to chat with ms tay again before i left :) I swear i'm feeling so much better after seeing her man.

Anyway, went out with kat and nash just now. Had late dinner at the hawker near cineleisure. Now still full like crap.

Oh yeah, did i mention that we went to seoul garden yesterday night?? Super awesome.

Shit. I'm getting fatter.

Simply not trying hard enough

2010-03-03T00:46:00.002+08:00

Walking down to school from BV mrt this morning, i was slapped with the cole, hard truth of things.
I felt terrible, as i faced the fact that i wasn't happy or comfortable where i am now. I mean, there was (there is, still) a strong feeling dejection, some kind of emptiness, that kept pricking me, everytime i chose to ignore it.

And when i finally realised that i was indeed feeling out of place, my heart sank. I miss jessica, ms tay, ms aza, and everyone else who'd put up with my senseless rambling/ranting, when i felt down :(

I don't know how i'm going to survive my years here in college, and i don't intend to count down to A levels, but the thought of putting up with this troubles me.

Oh, and by the way, i'm a loner now. How sad.

2010-02-20T12:09:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmm. Finally got the time and energy to blog.

Well, basically, the hectic JC life is slowly kicking in, with full timetable taking effect from this Monday onwards, and it definitely seems to be hell soon.

And yes, i joined the badminton team, and that's pure suicide on the account that i have absolutely no prior experience and my fitness is so shitty now. Every physical training seems tormenting.

Oh did i mention that school ends at 4.10 almost everyday? Late? NO THAT'S EARLY, considering that badmintoon takes up 3 out of the five weeekdays, from 5-7.30pm on Mon & Fri, and 2.30-5 on wed. So getting to go home at 5, is going to be the happiestthing that happens to me every week. And that's pathetic.

I'm definitely getting lazier. I go to the library everrytime i get the time to, to sleep. And that's like the best thing that i can reward myself with.

Hai. Damn the fact that i'm not trying my hardest to get along with my new classmates.

I'm still trying to adjust. Please don't blame me for appearing like some cold-ass anti-social. In any case, i'm not having it easy.

For now, words can't describe how i look forward to working each day, after having a tough time trying to gt along with strangers.

You know, sometimes, i wonder if i'm autistic.

2010-02-09T16:02:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmm. Haven't had the time to touch the laptop for quite some time.
Been kept really busy with school stuff, work, and what have you. Damn exhausted but i know the pace will slowly pick up soon.

Yesterday was a terrible day at work for me. Yes, i realised that i'm not mentally-strong enough as i thought i was. I don't know why i cried, but it wasn't because of the burn. Definitely wasn't.

Kind of worried that i'll end up with no cca at jc, since i rejected the offer of joining the volleyball team. And i don't think i'll regret making that decision anytime soon.

So many things going on. I need a break, like seriously. It's no wonder i broke down yesterday night. I think i'm emotionally-unstable.

Hmm, got to go off to work. My friends told me to quit. I'm hesitating, but the strange thing is, i can't figure out what's holding me back.

2010-01-30T02:53:00.000+08:00

ACJC

2010-01-26T01:02:00.004+08:00

Wah. Damn high just now.

Ha! Laughed like hell in the morning that i was exhausted by 5pm. Darn it!
Nam prepared some honey lemon chicken before she left. Was totally tired that i had to take my break by then. Slept for a little while until that woman came back to ask me go eat durian with her and agacia! Hah. Instantly, i woke up and change. Haha! Shiok uh!

Tired sia.
Working full tmr. Kat's off :( Means Long will try to take full control. I MUST STOP HIM AT ALL COSTS.

Okay, night!

2010-01-24T12:36:00.002+08:00

And the bottomline: The Search for Durian in the wee morning FAILED :(

Disappointing! :(
Okay basically it goes like this. I was sleeping in the afternoon yesterday since it was my off. But winnie called at 3pm to ask if i could work at night. Front of house. And of course i jumped at the chance upon realising that i was wasting my life away, lazing around. And so i went off to work.

Real busy. And with me being main runner, the guys had to help me out. Sorry guys!
I did two very malu things yesterday. First thing was to change notes with the TCC guys. Second, was to 'borrow' ice! Wah piang eh, totally no face already.

After closing, we went for supper. Should definitely hang out often :) Gossiped. Heh.

Kat and nash went home, while nam and i wandered off in search of our NR. Chatted throughout, and i enjoyed talking to her :) Definitely one of those people i feel comfortable with. Heh. AND THEN, we felt like eating DURIAN. Wah, she's damn on okay! Not many people would crave for durian at night like meeeeeee. HA. And we really did walk all over to find a decent durian stall or something. Walked from bugis, all the way to chinatown/outram park. I swear we appeared drunk at one point, laughing like mad! Hahhaa. Will certainly miss that when school starts and gets hectic.

Hmmm. Should i help out in sembawang? Heh.

The 27th is coming.

2010-01-22T01:13:00.002+08:00

Totally laughed my head off during work.
One of these days i'm really going to faint cos i laugh too much! Ha!
Kat + rachman = Totally hilarious~

And i realised i respect kat alot. I enjoy being around her, because she simplifies things, and making fun of nothing at all. I've got to admit, the advice that she offered me would last me a long time. A very, long time. Don't underestimate this 21-year-old.

Heh.

Okay, INJECTION TMR! And working at night. Will i die? Haha!
Won't la.... hor?

2010-01-21T01:08:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Back, from work.
I swear i'm exhausted to the max, and i don't understand why this is so when i only worked for night shift. Heh.

Well, kat's off today, so that means, NO FUN :( Hahaha.
Came down at 4.30, cos fiza told me to come down early since her break was 4-5pm. Upon reaching, saw khai's sis, kai, at the bar. I swear she got that "khai"-face! hahahah! And i pulled a damn lame joke by calling khai Kak Yah since that was how kai addressed her, through sms that is. Me and fiza laughed like hell, with me rolling on the floor~ HA, BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY I SWEAR.

Ha. Started work soon after and Long couldn't stop being so horny with me! Grr. Can't stand it! And i won't elaborate on this. Haha.

Suddenly it seemed as though so much had to be done during closing. Ended around 11? That's late already, considering i started to clean early just now.

Now so tired. Chatted with nam on msn, and she made me WAVE HI to fiza, who is sitting behind me (asleep now). That woman huh~

Yay, working full tmr. There's kat and no Long :D Yes man!

And i became the highest paid part timer after khai! HEHE.

a mild case of a bloody hangover

2010-01-20T12:59:00.000+08:00

Haaaaaa. Woke up with a headache, enough to make me go back to sleep again.
Darn, i need to drink more water next time~

Oh anyway, i created a twitter account. Heh. Follow?
Hmmm.

Starting work at 6 later. But i wonder how khai's doing, training her sis for the job! hah.

Sometimes, i type the things that i really mean, but ended up pressing the backspace.
Just to let you know, there was something more here. I only erased it.

2010-01-20T01:44:00.003+08:00

Hi. I'm back!
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
I woke up early in the morning with the intention of helping out with the filleting, but turned out there wasn't much to be done anyway. Still, i managed to make myself useful by helping khai with opening. Heh.
Things turned sour when kat and long quarrelled over some matters. Was stuck in the middle and i got a little pissed off cos someone's head was too big, preventing him from admitting to his own mistakes. I mean, if you'd just apologise, people can easily forgive, forget and move on. Why, the hell, did you make matters worse by implicating other matters?? Stupid. Totally dumb.

Hah. I hate it when things like this happen. They just ruin the whole atmosphere, don't they? Irritating.

Anyway, managed to convince april to let me off at 4pm, instead of 5. I didn't know i could reason out that well! Hahaha. And so, caught up with fiza, ahmad and friend at tongseng. Off to the movies at Cathay. Chilled at macs for some ice cream, waiting for the movie to start, 7.20pm.

Over all, The Blind Side was great! Worth watching, since it's the only movie which i managed to stay up through without sleeping a wink! Hehh.
Went straight to Holland Village right after. Walked around and mad left at 11? Yeah, fiza, friend and i went to chill awhile. Stomach was bloated with youknowwhat, but still, finished it ;) As always :D

Cabbed. Sent friend back first. Finally, home.
Darn it. Another after-midnight ride! Grrrrrr.

But hey, i had fun! :)) All that ever matters~

2010-01-17T20:04:00.003+08:00

Woooohoooooooooooo~!

Suddenly so high. Heh. I'm actually a happy kid. Well, i'm ony 16! (okay, should stop saying that lest it becomes a habit!) Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Watched tv, ate, slept, and lazed~ I miss the fishies. Okay, it's only been a few day of offs and i can't stand it already! Zzzz. Darn bored.

But YAY, i'm gonna shop tmr, before work. Yess mannnnnn. Heh, and till this point of time, i'm still thinking if i should rebond my hair. Been thinking about this for years already! Like, seriously. Heh.

There's a lot of people i'm missing right now :( I miss my team, the M2s, the fishies, ayammmmmmm,............... And the list goes on. Hai. I want to meet up with these guys! Before school starts hopefully..

And i know i've been indulging in self-pity and 'emo'-ing the past few posts.... Okay, let's be gay now :P

Just learnt that there'll be two outings this week. One, M2 BBQ (AGAIN?!?!?) and, 01's ECP(not ERP HOR!) outing~

Changed my mind. I'm going! :D See you guys sooooon.

As for my team, let's meet up too! OOOORKAYYYYYYYYY???

2010-01-17T11:36:00.002+08:00

Hmm. I know i've said it before, but i'll say it again.

Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, beats good family ties.
And to think the things that people seek neglects this aspect of life. Well, i don't care if i end up with nothing. But i do care if i lose this feeling.

Sometimes, the simple things in life are taken for granted so much till they're forgotten. Ultimately, you lose your head. And i don't want that.

Oh no, have i really become emo? Hah. I don't think so. I've just had more time to think. And i better stop, or else i'd really become depressed, again.

Thinking of shopping. But sad eh, alone meh?? Tsk. I want to go work. Can't wait for work tmr.

2010-01-16T19:45:00.002+08:00

Oh damn. I hate my off days.

Been lazing around the whole day, watching tv, eat, sleep.
Feels refreshed now, but hates it when things go out of routine. Am i autistic?? Tskk. I wonder when i'll resume work again. Hopefully, soon. So bored now :(

Hmmmmmmmmm. I want to go chalet again!
There's one barbeque coming up, but i think i'll skip it this time round. Yes, i'm avoiding. Something. Someone. HAHA, no la, just dont feel like facing those people heh

Somebody told me that i became more introverted. Perhaps, i just can't be bothered le huh? tsk.

Is this considered emo?? Tsk. If it is, then i really can't be bothered. Heh.

I can't wait to get back to where i left. Two years............ Two years!

2010-01-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

When i get into a new school, i want to start all over again.

2010-01-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

EAT, EAT, EAT!

Woke up early in the morning to complete the JAE thing. Took me some time to finalise my decision. Finally done with it! Felt like an assignment. Hah.

Was supposed to meet yati and nam at 0ne, vivo. But as usual, we being the fishies ended up coming at two instead- all late. Hah! Basically, their job-hunt. Vivo and suntec.

Yati went to work around 5? We went to eat food. Then island creamery :))

Now fatter than before. Die.

2010-01-15T01:12:00.002+08:00

Stupid.

I don't like to think about all this crap--->>> JAE
Bloody hell. Have been busy working the past few days and i know i haven't been giving much thought. But what the f, the deadline's tmr 4pm. Stupid.

Okay, like how i managed to 'randomly' select my choices of schools 4years back, i'll do the same now. Probably.

But shit, too sleepy. Caught avatar with kat and nash after work, after i MIRACULOUSLY knocked off at 8.30pm. HA, awesome right! nyeeeeh.

Sad to say, kat and i slept through the movie. Too boring -.-
Kat was snoring! HAHA. And nash needed to pee, like urgently. Zzzzzz. Had to cab home.

Off tmr. Career Fair with yati and nam.

But first, this thing has to be completed.

2010-01-12T14:23:00.002+08:00

The world, as we know it, is round.
Rather often than not, it's inevitable to run into individuals with peculiar personalities.
Yeahyeahyeah~

But i still find them disturbing. Oh why, why do they behave in such weird manner!

tsk.

Whatever la. Don't even know why i'm rambling about this.

Sooooooooo boreddddddddddd. Can't wait to head to work.

2010-01-12T08:10:00.003+08:00

Hi.

Yesterday was the collection of results day. Boring sia (because i was one of those glaring at those evil dudes doing the BP cheer when everyone else was feeling so sad already) Yes, have gotten over the fact that none of the M2 buddies went up on stage. Nor any of the volleyball mates. Quite shocking eh, cos i expected some of them to go up. heh.

Got my $200 cheque and it was the happiest thing that happened yesterday. Tsk, received results in order of index number, and i was ten. So left the moment i got the slip and book in my hands, shoving them in my bag and walked off. Sorry to crystal who tried to ask, but i waled away too soon. In any case, i hadn't seen a thing.

The moment i stepped out of the gate, i took a peek. WTH. The first thing i saw was my EL grade, which was UNBELIEVABLE. -.- who the hell gets a ** for EL man! Got super high already, so i called nam. That, was when i realised that my worries were sort of uncalled for. Heh. Was screaming as i held the phone in my hands, ignoring all the curious stares!

And i didn't get the whipping cream cos i was too shocked that i didn't know what i was doing -.-

Texted my mum/sis, received a lot of calls from friends, and ms tay. She still remembers me eh, that's cool. HA.

Headed to nam's house. Screamed/wailed/blahblahblah. Tried to call cheryl but couldn't reach her. Was quite worried for her, cos she didn't pick up. Should've used my own phone and maybe, just maybe, she would. I'm sorry i wasn't there for you.....

Watched touch rugby at ngee ann poly. Nam, your friend is too wild for me to handle! hahaha.

Don't bother asking, cos i won't enlighten you.

2010-01-11T00:42:00.004+08:00

I didn't want it to turn out this way.
I never wanted to compete, i never even thought of it that way. But when you put it as if i'm going all out to snatch everything from you, it hurts me, alot. Because i never wanted to do any of those things.

I like your company, and i'm always trying my best to spend time with you. Even till now, i'm glad that i'm working here. Even though it gets really tough at times, i take comfort in knowing, that at least i can make you look good. I try my best in everything that i do because i don't want to lose out. But, not to you. I'm sorry that i made you feel inferior, but you flatter me by stating so.

I miss the times when you stood up for me.
But most of all, i miss you.

2010-01-09T10:30:00.003+08:00

I swear i was dead beat by the time i stepped out of the shower last night!

Tsk. Exhausted seh, but it was worth it, since i got to spend time with good friends :)
Hmmmmmmmmm. Let's see. On thursday, was working full shift. Prepared staff meal with Nam, and we decided to call it 'Putang Inamo'!! HAHA, it's vulgar actually, but we just couldn't remember the real name laa (which is in tagalog). Heh. More catchy right, this name *raises eyebrows*

After closing, trained down to Pasir Ris. With shikin (till kembangan or something). Cabbed down to Costa Sands, and walked down to the room. Peeked through the door and saw a qarter of the group playing mahjong. Heh. It was then that i learned that the rest has gone for night-cycling :( Missed out on the fun :(

Stomach growling. I realised that i haven't eaten cos i rushed down to the chalet. Felt quite shitty realising that there was only instant noodles since i had already missed the barbeque, the night before :(
Pestered them to order macs, but none did. And so, asked the cycling clique to help us takeaway. Was texting nam and cheryl while waiting, and i thought i was going to die. Moreover, nam was telling me how full and bloated she was, while i was starving! :( Sadded. Dozed off.

Don't think i slept at all cos i was constantly checking if they had come back. But no.
Waited in vain. They came back at 4/5am. And no macs :( Super sadded sia.

Heeeeehhh. They played random games which i didnt feel like playing. Cycled to 7eleven to get ***** and **** in the morning -.-

By the time i left i was totally shagged. Left with rx.

Dropped by the outlet, and felt like helping out. Helped nash with opening and ate for free -.- heh.

Walked around, and waited for cheryl to come. That woman took forever to come! hahah. Okay, basically, i was laughing and laughing. Okay WE were laughing like mad cos of everything we did. ZZZ. Spent money like it's water by cabbing to some stupid place that turned out so to be a disappointment, to me. Heh. Waste money sia.

okay, decided to catch a movie at Iluma. Saved Alvin :) :) :) HOHOHO, i swear i'm still laughing at what we did, and walking out on the rest of the characters -.- And and and, spent time having decent converstaion with cher. And i found out something which i seriously thought i shouldn't have.

Caught The Fourth Kind, and i found it disturbing- "In the end, what you choose to believe, is yours to decide." -.-

Got shocked a few times. Damn damn damn.

okay, nam cancelled our plans. So going back to sleep. Working later.

/edited:
Okay, plans of making panna cotta still on.

2010-01-07T01:37:00.003+08:00

My pay is in. Like finally.

But, i could no longer feel that excitement. I guess, it's just another target that i've reached, and it's time to move on to the next 'challenge'.

I know for now, that i'm not working for money.

And if i could, i would stay on with this job. It has brought me so much joy; it's really hard to let go.

Can things stay this way forever?

2010-01-06T01:47:00.003+08:00

It hurts.

Hmmmm. Work was all about cleaning up today, since we were doing housekeeping. Nonetheless, it was still fun, with all the dumb laughter and random comments. Haha, kat was around what! It's only right :)

Hai.
Been rather troubled over the results thing, to the extent where i even told kat that i felt like working there, and not study. And of course, she stressed that i should study. I respect her alot because she has always been looking out for me. And so has a few others. That's why it's so hard to leave now that a month of vacation is up.
Really don't feel like leaving :(

I will miss kat's laughter and comments, not forgetting the way she showers concern for us, nash's short fuse and her thickskinned nature (Ganda! -.-) and, to be continued......

ha. So sad that it'll have to end. hai.

But it's alright. I'll never forget them. I'll remember this place, for it's one of the warmest place on earth.

2010-01-05T01:04:00.002+08:00

Yawwwwwwwwwwwwn.

Am damn tired now. After all that laughing-till-i-teared. Working with kat is always filled with crazy moments! Even though she likes bullying me :( Haha, i don't mind~

Okay, my sis is so noisy tonight. Kept on rambling and rambling. No, she still is. Talkative -.-

Erhhhh. It's already 1am. Have to sleep now. Going to drop by school in the morning beofre work to collect my money. Yay.

Night night.

2010-01-04T00:17:00.002+08:00

Currently chatting with Cheryl on msn.

Really miss gl-ing this woman eh. She hasn't been working, so yeah.
Okay, we're damn random in our conversation and i don't know why. Ask her.

Ha!

Okay, tell me. Isn't it weird that some people can just click when they hardly know each other? When some other friends whom you see everyday remains as pure acquaintances or just mere strangers to you? ha. I find it really weird.

Okay, maybe it's just me. But i really enjoy meeting people who i can just laugh my ass off over nothing at all! After all, you just need to be willing to open, and you'll survive ;)

Okay, i'm just updating cos that woman told me to.
Done :)

2010-01-03T16:05:00.002+08:00

Ugh. Currently feeling restless, thinking about YOUKNOWWHAT.
Shit. I don't want to move on.
I want to stay 16 forever. I want to live a simplistic life like this forever.
Suddenly, i don't feel like running after that one, only dream. I don't care if i were to hold a job like this forever.

Tsk.

Okay, have to admit, the anxiety is killing me.

Okay, enough with the results day shit. Hmmmmmmmmm. Actually, come to think of it, i'm going to be 1K richer by the end of this coming week. Can't wait.

Heh. Kat & nash asked me out for dinner on wed. I wonder if andrea's willing to swop schedule with me. I want to go..... hahahaha. Seriously, hanging out and crapping with them is like damn funny okay!

Hmmmm. Working everyday next week. Except Friday. Yay.
Going to dine in with fiqah :)

It feels good to have made new friends who never fails to brighten your dull days~ hahah.

Kay, have been sleeping and eating rubbish the whole day.
I smell fried chicken.

Okay, tata~

2010-01-03T02:46:00.003+08:00

Fish you.
"Didn't get hooked."

---Classic line, or what!

Wah, am damn tired, seriously. Been working, alot.
As usual.

Don't know why i'm still awake right now.
Shagged. Lagged.

This feels like a hangover. Damn it.

It's like, the 3rd of January already. Suddenly, i was reminded of results day.

I'm not trembing with fear. I'm just anxious.

2010-01-02T01:42:00.002+08:00

It's already the 2nd of January. A start of another year.

Haah, how fast the year has passed, leaving behind yet unforgettable memories. It's, kind of sad, when you back, and all the things that you have done, or not done. Hah.

It's has been a great 2009 for me, personally. No regrets whatsoever. Really ;)

I believe 2010 has with it lots more wonderful things to come. And with all the challenges and obstacles, i hope i'll stay strong in my pursuit of becoming a better person.

Haaah. Today, i realised how selfless one can be. Such, sensible thinking. Such, sacrifice..... Okay, my heart sank when i learned about how much one is willing to give. And give. Not expecting anything in return. Hah.

I don't think i'll ever forget this experience, working here.

2009-12-30T01:26:00.002+08:00

Shit. I forgot to do something really important before leaving my workplace today.

Damn it. But i did attempt to go back though. Just that razak had left before i could make amends. Damn it. Kat's going to scold me tmr. Aiya. Shit.

ZZZZ. I hate work today because i screwed up. To even think that i blamed others for it was simply a turn-off. I'm so mad with myself that i got pissed with everyone else, when it was my fault. Stupid seh.

Really feel bad for pushing dzul away, when he tried to help :(

Hai.

I just hate work today.

2009-12-28T01:11:00.003+08:00

Ugh. Work today was boring.

Anyway, experienced staff meeting yesterday. Okay, it was midnight when it started so it was on Sunday. Tsk, felt like team talk- bonding session that-kinda-thing. It was a good opportunity for some to throw issues to the table. Okay la, it was similar to team talk. And there i was, sitting down there, so quiet. Mainly issues discussed were that of FOH, so like not applicable to me leh. Tsk.

Okay, i think it's kind of obvious that i'm not in a good mood right now.
I don't know why, but i'm damn pekchek. Like, freaking pissed.

Damn it.

Heading to school tmr morning.

Hai. I miss my ayam suddenly :(

2009-12-27T12:11:00.002+08:00

Sexual orientation.

Ha. Now, i'm always in a situation where i get questioned about the above-mentioned. Darn, it's damn awkward.

For now, i know i'm straight. But there is seriously no telling if that's going to change anytime soon. I mean, at this age, it's really normal to go through such phases, or realise that you're bi. So? So what? It's the 21st century, and things aren't as simple as it used to be.

To be honest, i see nothing wrong in girls walking down the mall, holding hands and behaving intimately.

People should seriously stop being so conventional. If you're homophobic, just stay away la. There's no need to stare or glare or make nasty comments

Hah.

And i don't think people should jump to conclusions.

2009-12-26T11:05:00.004+08:00

Yo.

Believe it or not, today's my day off! Haha. Like, finally.
There's staff meeting later at night, and i think i'm going :) Just want to experience the atmosphere for once, with those bunch of interesting people. Haha, i'm not being sarcastic here, don't worry ;)

Hmmmmm.

Still thinking about the release of results day thing. I'm not like, waiting in anticipation. Just don't want it to come round that quick. It's really been as if, the whole holiday went by in a flash. But, having said that, i don't regret spending all the time working. Enjoyed it actually. Well, the slack moments, of course!

I think, everything's going to change in a few weeks' time. Hope it won't be too drastic a change though.

If what they said is true, then two weeks it shall be to results day.

Hope i won't have to resort to working another year.

2009-12-25T01:18:00.002+08:00

Waaaaaaaaah.
Okay, working on a Christmas eve was totally not cool. You know why?? Because it's constantly exhausting, and totally gruelling work to be on the move every single minute! And it was full house like, everytime i peered through the kitchen counter. Omg, crazy.

I have no idea how i survived today.

Everyone turned really zombie-ish by ten. Those working FOH were hungry, while the BOH were dying of thirst. Maybe, i'll say, it was the most hectic working day ever, for me.

Am dead beat. Super beat.

Working tmr, full shift, again. Hope i don't die tmr.

Hah.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all! :)

PS : I received news that the Olevel results will be released on Jan 8/
OMG, wondering if this is true.

2009-12-23T01:03:00.002+08:00

Wahhhhh, so tired siol.
Damn it. Was totally busy to the max, the whole day. Didn't have time for break, and that just got to suck to the core if you're working for like 11hours straight.

Sometimes, i don't understand why i'm making myself work so hard. Tsk. I mean, the people at bj are all fun people, but when it comes to handling the crowd's appetite, ... Please, spare me. I am so darn tired.

And here i am, trying to remind myself that i'm only 16, so there's no need to work so hard.
But, the again, i try to reach for perfection in whatever i do....... Hai. It's never easy :(

At least i'm trying, right?

Okay, got to sleep already. Working again tmr. Another full day.
I really hope i don't pass out.

A few more days to Christmas. A few more weeks to results' day...

2009-12-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

Haaaa. I hope you feel better, bitch :)

Hmmmm. Got back hours ago. Worked only till 6.30pm, so it wasn't that taxing. But quite sleepy now eh. Okay la, probably won't be able to sleep early anyway, since my body clock is totally screwed. CAN'T WAIT FOR PAYDAY/SHOPPING DAY/BITCHING DAY/DAY OFF :)

Most likely gonna stop working by mid january. Can relax a little, adjust my body system and stuff. Before starting another school term (at a much preferred choice of school i hope).

Hmm, going down to school on of these days, for bio tutoring. Hehe, hope i don't end up teaching the wrong things to the kids. I know it's going to be rush rush rush, and damn hectic, but heck! Who doesn't want to earn extra income?? Plus the sum of money that i'll get by early january, i'll be shopping my ass off la! Totally can't wait.

Christmas is coming~ Can't wait!

2009-12-20T15:01:00.003+08:00

Morning people.

Okay fine, it's afternoon already. So? Haa. Am so damn tired even after lying in bed for so long. Didn't get fine sleep yesterday night. All because of my right ankle. The pain is back, and it's killing me. Struck me during work yesterday night, but bo bian, have to endure laaaa. Fish only.

And i thought my past would never catch up with me. And so, i thought. Damn it.

Ms Tay's in Poland now. Haha, according to her, it's -12 degrees Celcius. Crazy. I'm already freezing where i am now. (i'm in my room with the fan on) ONLY the fan -.- Zzz. Wah kao, i'm damn lagggg sia today.

Anyway, working later. Till closing as usual.
Ha, i'm only 16 okay. And i'm making myself work so hard. Sheesh.
But eh, as compared to SOMEONE, at least i think i'll earn above $400 laa. After deducting the CPF portion blahblahblah.

Good news, i was notified by post two days back about an award. HAHA, good progress award. EASY MONEY OKAY. 200bucks just like that. Tell me, how can i not love myself! HAHA. Narcissist, i know~ But still, you got to love this kind of life man, seriously.

Still waiting for the EAGLES award eh. By right, i should have received the letter. But i got a bad feeling the teacher in-charge didnt send out our names, on purpose. WALAO, i want my $150 siol. EASY MONEY eh.

Fuck those assholes.

Okay bye.

2009-12-20T01:01:00.004+08:00

Ha. Just came back an hour or so.
Felt so much better after that cold shower. Yes, i know i was damn smelly kayyyyyyy!

Was damn tired out just now, especially in the afternoon, which shouldn't be the case, by right. But by left, kat went home early cos she was terribly ill. I felt so sad for her, cos she always have to work so hard, to get the kitchen, no, the whole outlet going. Maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if alex was around. And so i was told. Hmmmm. Hope she gets well soon :( Really missing her laughter man!

Anyway, cheryl came to work today. WOW, SHE CAME TO WORK. HAHAHA. Can't blame her la, she didn't come up with the schedule. And cheryl, i don't think it's because winnie don't want to see your 'pretty' face heh. HA. And dont give me that look already laaaaa. It's giving me nightmares. Hahaha! I think we really enjoy guailan-ing each other man. Habit already siaaa.

Hmmmmmmmm. Tired sia. Oh yeah, Christmas is coming.

2009-12-16T10:36:00.004+08:00

Work, work, work! It's been totally about work for me this past month.
It's kind of fun, actually. Well, that is, if you put aside the burns and scalded arms and stuff.

Ha. I GOT A BITCH AT WORK!
She's Nam :) I call her bitch, cos she's my bitch. Vice-versa. I DON'T SHARE OKAY.

HAHAHAH. I sound so gay right.

Today's my day off :) Probably gonna sleep the day away, aside from revising biology (?) Ha.
Bitch totally k,o.-ed last night. Too tired feeling angry i guess~ Tsk.

Let's go dating one day uh, bitch!

And, guess what? I miss volleyball already :(

2009-12-08T09:58:00.004+08:00

Hmmmmmm. *Yawn*

Haven't posted for some time already. I guess i should write something here :)
Well, have been working, a lot, for the record. My fingers are actually aching (didn't know they can ache) for a few days now. So tired now eh. Like, work for 7days a week kind of thing. Crazy huh!! Yeah, i think it's crazy la.

Portugese Chili Crab is superbbbbbbbbbbbbb!!

Okay random. Ha. I have lots of bruises and scars on my forearms. They're seriously damn ugly, and discouraging dammit. Hah, but, i must press onnnnnnnnnnnn!

Not gonna stop till i make my first K!

Gonna sleep awhile before work! Byeeeeeee.

2009-12-03T01:56:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmmm.
Just read a few blog posts of some friends, and i realised that i haven't been keeping up with them lately. Or at least it feels like i've been away for quite some time now, that i don't know what's going on with them. Haaaaaiii, how i miss the trainings, school and stuff.

But we know we won't go back to train anytime soon. Like dionne said, since we're caught up in this mess. Zzz. I miss the touch, and the feel.....

Sian.

I think i'm losing the enthusiasm already. Life's getting ever so mundane, and i think loneliness will soon catch up with me again :( How i miss school. Like reaaaallllllyyy.

Hai. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

I want to go back to school. But i have seriously no reason to do so.

2009-12-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

Hmmmmmmmm. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Day off today. Spent the day sleeeping like nobody's business. Went out at 3plus to meet up with jessica for a drink. Mingliang too. Hahah. We roamed aimlessly like seriously. Walked from bukit batok all the way to IMM. Crazy.

Damn tired now. But i'm doing my part as a friend.

2009-11-30T10:16:00.003+08:00

Simple-minded people are gemstones.

Hmmmm. Agree? You know, sometimes, we'll save a lot of trouble and prevent many misunderstandings when we don't think too much, yes? Hah. Have come to a realisation that it's better not to think so much; just do it!

Haaa. Exhausted seh. Woke up an hour ago.
Thinking of jio-ing jess out for a drink later, but don't know eh. Still undecided. Hah. Cos i'm like really damn shagged already :(
Then again, haven't been spending time with her, so yeah.

Will see how it goes.

Going over to aunt's hse in a while. I want to see ryan!! :)

Okay, tata for now.

Ms Tay, have a pleasant trip. Must come back safe :)

2009-11-30T00:59:00.002+08:00

It's late now. Zz.

Anyway, got back from class BBQ about two hours ago? Wanted to stay overnight there la, but no one wanted to stay with me so yeahhhh :( Went back with eunice and all.
It was damn memorable in my opinion :) Because it was one genuinely sincere outing. Felt really at home; something i will terribly miss. No, i am already missing it right now :(

Hai. With so many people looking forward to future outings, i will try my best to help plan more okay! :) I will miss you guys :(

And oh, i agree with ms lim and mr lee that this class is indeed a special class. Dont know how to put it. It simply is. Serene feeling?

Whatever it is, thanks many many to those who made time for this outing :) Whether it's the planning stage or attendance-wise, appreciate it alot! :)

M2 BBQ Party (tmr)

2009-11-28T12:11:00.003+08:00

Okay, i've done my research.
Wah, put in a lot of effort for this BBQ man. Better turn out well!
Hah.

Anyway, to get to Changi Beach Park, take:

MRT to Simei
SBS Bus 9 (24 stops, approx. 31mins)
Walk down a bit more (<10mins>

Yeah, should be like this.

Anyway, i'll be working till 4.30pm. So meet you guys there yeah! :) Don't get lost before i do HOR. Haha. Will be shopping for the BBQ items later at 3pm, Lot1. M2 people can come join us.if you're free!

2009-11-28T01:06:00.002+08:00

So tired now omg.
My sisters damn irritaing, ask me play lullaby song for them. HAHA.

Work was tedious, but that grin will never vanish from my face everytime i knock off'- that sense of satisfaction is simply priceless :)

My colleagues asked me why i chose to do this job. Haha, i don't know eh. Although it's damn tiring, and some may see the pay as inequivalent to the effort put in, i find joy in doing it eh. Don't know how to explain also. The friends i make, i dare say, are few of the wonderful people i've met thus far. If i were to write a report on my work experience, i'll definitely dedicate a big chunk of it on these wonderful people. Never fails to make my day, no matter how ridiculous or tiring the work may be. Tell me, what better way to spend your holidays? :)

i'm so tired now. but still, i want to wish this wonderful person a happy birthday! :) Happy birthday trinana- jie! :D

Ookay, time to KO.

2009-11-27T01:26:00.002+08:00

I just love today omg.

Just ended my short chat with trinana-jiejie :) HAHA. Omg, i miss her so muchhh :( And as always, she never fails to make my day la. I love her to bits man. Hahahaha.

Believe it or not, i just came back about an hour or so. Worked full time today. Damn hiong or what siol. Haha! But so fun uh today, cos we jammed the whole kitchen -.- Haha, full house uh. Siao eh, orders after orders. Haha, and and and! Kat, nash and yati bullied me today!!! I didnt know where the ice cream was mah. Didnt know i was looking inside the chiller, instead of the freezer(that doesn't really look like one to me) HAHA. Then, kat kept teasing me lor. Zzz. Haah, but very funny la. "Strawberry ice cream where uh??" <----- =.=

HAHA. I managed to make new friends uh. Great!

Yay! Trinana-jie going to treat me to lunch. After her japan trip :) Can't wait to see her!

Anyway, to my ayam friend, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D

2009-11-26T10:43:00.002+08:00

ha. Morning people :)

Woke up an hour ago, but i'm feeling tired as ever. Slept pretty late last night, chatting with kenny (speak of the devil, he's nudging me), rx and kenneth. Junjie too. Suddenly, everyone started nudging me. Then ms tay went online for awhile, so left them to chat with her. Hehe. She's going off to japan soon eh....... :( I miss her like !*&(^&*() !!! :( :( :(

Alamak it's 11 already. So fast!
Okay la, got to go get ready for work. Yeah, i'm actually working EVERY single DAY of the week. 7/7 days-no break. Cool eh? :)

-.- tata~

2009-11-24T09:14:00.003+08:00

Ha. Good morning :)
Today's the 24th. Nov 2009 - BP's Prom Night @ Raffles Town Club

But i'm not going. The reason's pretty lame really; Don't feel like. hah.
I think i'm anti-social. Heh.
Anyway, it's okay cos i'll be working through the night. My schedule has been extended, since today is Kat's day off. Wah, it seems like she, alone, can do the work of many trainees like me. Pro-ness. SO when she's not working, many people have to take over. Cool or what? Indispensible.

Managed to wake up early today, with the help of phone alarm. But felt like i didn't sleep cos i woke up feeling so awake? Tsk. Better don't die today. Think i won't be doing closing today. YES, can siam faster. SO today, i'll be able to clear my OJE hours, and earn proper pay. Like finally!
Hah.

So energize now. Okay, work starts at noon today. Gonna reach early :)
Tata~

2009-11-23T10:28:00.002+08:00

Good morning :)
Didn't manage to get good sleep last night. Was falling ill as i started sneezing non-stop. The temperature's getting real low these days. Flunctuating. Bad for health. But, thankfully, woke up this morning feeling much better.

It's monday. I hope i'll remember that it's monday today. (since everyday doesn't feel like it's day) -.- Okay, confusing. Bahh, whatever.
Working later, and i'm going to work my ass off. But will only be working for three hours- no kick. Haha! (Wait till i'm working full day on thur. See how i die again)

Zzzzzz. I wanted to cycle in the morning but i woke up at 9. Like wth, so late! Oh no. I think i'm turning nocturnal- so active at night. *eye brows raised*
Eh, don't anyhow think uh!

Hahaha.

They're having the prom tmr. Happy prom-ing. Will be working then. Eh no, will just end work. So otw back, i'll pass the RTC and see pretty/handsome bpians trying to balance on heels/act smart. Better don't let me catch you taking the bus! HAHAHA.

Okay. Got to get ready for work now.

Ps. I'm still waiting to be called for bio tutoring?

Teens with raging hormones.

2009-11-22T11:14:00.002+08:00

Look at my title. Ha.
Guess what? A few days back, my younger sis didn't come home the whole night. And i just came back from a tiring day of work, around midnight? Yeah, saw my mum so worried in the living room. Scared the shit out of me. Was damn frustrated with my sis uh. So irresponsible. Ha. Turned out, she spent the night fishing with her boy, tonning. Like wtf man. She should've called home at least. Hah.
But, the main point is, she's only thirteen and she's darn bold.
I'm not saying anything, but, i'm kinda sick of being the goody-goody arse wherever i go. Like, i've been so deprived of life, you know. And i'm 16. Already 16, going on 17.

No balls, no guts.
Hah. To put things nicely, i stand by my principles. To put it bluntly, i'm actually a coward. YOU KNOW SELENGE??
Hah.

Is this internal conflict or what??

Hmmmmmm. Now, i'm fed up of being in an overly-protected environment.
I need to get a life. A real one.

2009-11-20T23:07:00.003+08:00

And it's Friday night again.

Ha. Just came back from orchard with Al 2hours ago. Damn shagged now okay! Ha. Basically i have no idea why i went into wisma instead of ion -.- Must be lingying's fault! Was waiting for alfred to come, and i decided to go to the ladies. On the way back to the control station, i saw three familiar faces. Yes, lingying is oe of them. She was with her husband (quennie) and daughter (amanda). What a happy family!

Haha. No wonder my right eyelid/brow kept twitching the whole day today! Zzzzzz. HAHAHA. Omg, guailan. LEARN FROM THE GL MASTER- youknowwho :)

Yeah, after many calls made, met al at topman. There were other bpians there too. Confirm plus chop lots of guys gonna wear the same thing for prom. CONFIRM. Zzz. And that, i won't know, since i'm not going :D

Heh heh.

Decided to walk out on our own, around town. Walked and chatted about many things, some of which were rather interesting- the handwriting stuff that al shared. Cool stuff! :) Waited for 190 for ages and every single one that came were packed ttm! SO, decided to take 700 instead. Chatted a bit more. Homed soon after.

What a way to spend the friday night! :)
Tired tired. And oh, i'm working for almost every day of the work next week. Great.

Hahaha. I'm so tired. But i'm missing a few people right now :(

2009-11-19T08:44:00.004+08:00

Ha. First day at work was totally awesome! not.
Sheeesh. I worked for 10 & 1/2 hrs straight like crazy. But good thing there was kat(?), zul and herman(??), guiding me along :)

And, like other workplaces, there'd be an evil dowager =.= I've identified it already! Walao, she's damn unreasonable sia! Can't she like understand that i'm new and help me along too?? Wtf. Got so pissed off when i got scolded for nothing, and wronged for her mistakes -.- BUT THANK GOODNESS, those guys shared tips with me on how to handle her :) Damn thankful for them eh!

Haha. But it's okay la. Every job has its own inadequacies :)
I'm glad mine isn't that bad! Plus herman told me that sunday will be her last day!! *cries for joy!*

Let's just hope the other person who's coming in isn't as bad as her, man. If not huh, .......

Hah. Working later at 6pm. Tata.

2009-11-17T18:18:00.002+08:00

Aww man. You left me in a difficult situation, dammit.

Ha. BORED. BORED. BORED. Second day at home. No date, and i slept through the day, again. Freak. Kept eating rubbish, and i know i should stop, but when you have all the time in the world with nothing to do, you just can't control yourself. Loser.

HA.

Can't wait for work tmr. Full day eh. I think i will die. Haha! But, i want challenge :)

Okay, so i'm free on thur, day only, since i'll be working at night. And friday dammit. I should plan something, if not it'll end up wasted like today. Gahh.

Hmm. Getting my ear pierced, the same place as i did a year ago. Why? Cos i fucking left the helix hole close. I don't know why, don't ask.

Damn it. I want to go out.

I hate to say it but, i told you so.

2009-11-16T08:00:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm. As the title suggests, something's amiss.

Woke up early in the morning to meet sha, at pioneer station and she's late. First time or what man, this ayam, came late! Ha. Yeah, walked over to jurongwest sportshall to watch the second round of U16. Shasha made me and merabel climb up so high, and throughout the whole time, i was trying to figure out how to get down -.- Yeah, damn funny uh the two. We stared at this girl, NASno.15. She's got a scary, intense look okay. Which was fucking funny.

I left at 11plus, after the ngeeann match.
While walking back to the station, i saw cassandra :D

Yeah, trained to bt gombak to get a trim, before heading to town.
Jess texted me and i thought i'd never make it there in time la! Took years for me to train down. So yeah, met up with huiling, siying, ade, jess, jo, sieyuan and nisa. AND eunice (omg, i totally forgot her) HA! @ Daniel Yam. Siying bought her dress there.
The humans kept touching my hair, and i had to snap back at them everytime they do!
And i'd go, "DON'T TOUCH my hairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"
Haha! Siao eh.

We walked there for ages, before settling down for lunch. And there was this auntie selling drinks. AND YEAH EVERYONE, MY DRINK COST ME $3. HAPPY>>??!
Hahaha! So screwed -.-

We went to far east. Shop shop. FEET DAMN TIRED LIKE CRAP ALREADY. And i still don't understand how ade and jo never seemed to get tired after all that walking! Weird people. HA.

Sha texted me, and i sensed something was wrong. True enough...

We ended the trip at OG, or was it at Orchard Central?? Haha! I can't remember. But it know we were like damn swaku in the lift at OC. OMG, damn scary la! And the rooftop. Cool. BUT, NO SCENERY TO SEE. ALL YOU CAN EVER SEE IN S'PORE ARE BUILDINGS AND CRANES.
And more buildings.

Sheesh.

Headed home. Took 190, but we ended up walking up to the wrong bus stop. But the cool thing was, we were right on time to see cool-limo-and-shiny-expensive-cars with 'expensive'-people-in-them past by with the escort of traffic policemen and all. How cool is that! -,-

Yeah, found the right bus stop in the end and bused home, STANDING ALL THE WAY. MY FEET WERE CRYING AND I WAS FUCKING TIRED. And i was whining in silence -.-

Nonetheless, had a fun shopping trip with the girls yesterday!

I'm not sure what happened, but i saw it coming...
If i had known, i should've stayed there longer with you.
The least i could do was salvage the already-torn ties.
Didn't think things would come to this.

2009-11-14T09:26:00.002+08:00

And i'm already so tired/bored/ran out of enthusiasm.
It's only what? The first official day of holidays> Yet, i'm kinda dreading it.

Hmmmmmm. Yesyes, i believe being in school's so much better, since we don't have to rack our brains to think of where to go or what to do next. Yeah, i'm not used to having so much freedom thrown in my face. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I HATE THIS.

I want to have chalet/days out/nights out/party/do stupid things/and many many more!
But all these need to be planned. And i hate the planning part, cos it's like sai kang.
SAI la.

Walao. Can someone please help me run the show? I just want to go out!!!!!!!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr.
Damn it la.

Hmm. Anyway, i think the girls are going out to shop for prom stuff tmr. May be tagging along la, since i have nothing better to do anyway. Or will 'elope' away with jess halfway through. And monday probably going to shop for al's? Hmmmmmmmm.
Going to be called for work soon.

M2, organise something lehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2009-11-13T19:23:00.004+08:00

Hey Al, thanks for the tag with the url. Finally found your blog.
Haha.

Anyway, i think the note posted by him recently is really meaningful, cos it totally summarize the concept of living these days. Try reading it, i'm sure you'll agree with it too!

Hmmmmmmm. Guess what?? The Os is finally... OVER. Yes, like finally man.
Had breakfast with ms aza and jess after the last paper in the morning, before going over to jess' to slack for awhile.
>>>>>>Fast-forward.

I'm ready for responsibility!
Come, bring it on.

Yup, gonna be real busy the few months.
Catch me if you can.

2009-11-12T17:32:00.003+08:00

Heh.
Okay, i know i'm gonna sound so lame but, CAN THE Os NOT END?

Freaking weird feeling right now. Ambivalent? Yes. Gosh, i really don't know what to do with my life!
Hmm. Kind of screwed the Bio MCQ a while ago, and i thought the paper was difficult. It really was. For the first time, i had to utilise every minute of the hour that was given man! Die. I just know, i suck at everything right now :( Sheeeeeeeeeesh.'

ALFRED :)
I know. You know. We both know :) And that's it.

Goodness! I don't like change :( Cos it's so hard to get where i am right now.

(YES,FINALLY MY PHONE VIBRATES AGAIN!)
Hai, it's someone else.

Gahhh. Am so in need of a decent job.

When 9am comes, you'll witness the release of a thousand doves!

2009-11-12T07:34:00.002+08:00

Haaaaaaaaaaaa. You know, it feels SO DAMN GOOD to be free from all the studying!
:)

Okay, although the Os have yet to end for me, i am so waiting in anticipation la! The feeling is just awesome, believe me! Especially after putting in so much hardwork this year. Like, wah, finally, it paying off! :D

This week's been a fun, fun, fun week for me la. Been hanging out at hougang sportshall (-.-), for two days out of the three weekdays. With shasha la. That ayam! Hahaha. Wasn't suppose to go yesterday you know, but i sacrificed my wednesday for her 'happiness' leh! So NOBLE HOR. HAHA. But it was fun la, going crazy. No, it was more of, she went crazy and i laughed along. We were like some retarded asshole sitting there. OMG. Swear i'm never going there again! (NOT) HAHA. Super xia suey man. OMG. ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT I DID BEFORE WE LEFT. OMGOMGOMG. It was my first time okay! If it's not for her puppy sad eyes, i wouldn't have done it! Hahahaha. Really don't know what to say, except for 'OMG'. Sheeeesh.

Hahaha. At around 2.15, we left. That's when i did it -.- Okay, forget that. Yeah, she was super........... Don't know what to say. She was trembling la! Omg, this friend huhhh. *shake head* Woonsin didn't feel like going home. And hazirah wanted to bus all the way to clementi. So i asked sha along, since she owed me a favour!!!!!!! Hahaaaa! So yeah, we took 165 back, but she left halfway la, that chicken backside.

Ahhhhhhh, woonsin was damn random -.-
Okay, and for some reason, we ended up at Holland V. Haha!

Left after eating, and off we went. Hazirah had tuition, so she left early. Woonin and I went walking at Lot1. SHE IS SUPER..........OMG. To think i thought the 'game' was kiddy palace was kinda cute eh :) Haha.

Went home not long after.

Ooooh. I have a paper in the afternoon. All the way!

Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER.

2009-11-07T09:07:00.003+08:00

You know, it feels like, the things that I'd die for in the past seems nothing to me right now!
Like, ahem ahem ahem and ahem ahem ahem.

Like, i really don't care if i get it now even you know. (Okay, totally sound like a sore loser!)
But hey, i believe things happen for a reason and i won't let the thought of losing jeopardise it all okay! So what, if i'm not where i should be? At least i'm here, happy. Yes, happy. Even without it, i am.

Hah, i realised that i've never been straightforward when blogging. Well, i just don't want to. Tsk. Now i really sound like a problematic ass.

HAHA. Who cares? Right.
Anyway, it's one week before Olevels END. Yes, emphasis on the word "END".
Gonna give my best shot, and hopefully, it works.

Have also given some thought to my future path, where i'll go after this and stuff. Well, i haven't decide yet! Did have some plans a few months back though, but nah..... Will try to find a better route. IB seems rather attractive. I think i'm cut-out for business, HEH. Shrewd as the Venetians. HAH.

Don't think i'll pursue the same CCA in jc (hopefully i end up there). May take up some other activity. Some individual sport, maybe. Or aesthetics? HAHA. Freak my friends out!

Hmm. Got to sprint a little faster now, if i want to enjoy this two months feeling at ease :)
Go Go Go~!

2009-11-05T08:08:00.002+08:00

WALAO EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!?!?!>!!?!
I LIKE MAE LEHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay, i've got to admit, today's the only night that i didn't vote for mae, cos i decided to save that $0.60.......... Fish la. Gahhhhhh. Shouldn't have voted for slyvia, since she"ll get the judges' save anyway........... EEEEEEEEEEEEYER. So pissed.

WHY IS SHE OUT. Wah, angry already.

2009-11-03T11:13:00.002+08:00

It's November already.
Hai.. Time passes so fast yeah? Kinda feeling a little heavy-hearted about it la.
EVEN THOUGH these fours years haven't exactly been the best of my 16years.. Hmm, they are happy memories here. In BP especially. Volleyball family, 201, M2.. Hah. Haiyo, why suddenly so sentimental sia.

Ha. Maybe, i don't really wish that i had gone to another school. Maybe, i really like it here. Hmm. Whatever it is, i found wonderful people here- some good friends, and a lot more acquaintances. In this sch, or through volleyball, all the interesting characters. Some, i have grown to hate even more. Hah. Freak. Better don't let me see all the idiots again.

Chances are, i'm headed for poly, on account of my terrible combined humanities'. And possibilitly of me screwing up English.

You know, i believe, i have given up any wishful thought of BP remembering me, ever. Bahh. haha. Should migrate somewhere. Should change my number, email add. and everything else.

I will disappear after i'm done here.

2009-11-01T20:59:00.001+08:00

*Grumble*
*Complain*

Gahhhhh. Eeyyerrrrrr. I hate memorising.

Oh wellllllll.

2009-10-31T08:13:00.003+08:00

Hah. Woke up at 6.20 this morning.
Made breakfast and sat in front of the laptop. Was watching the vb videos of.. us.
Against phs. And i could still feel the nerve-wreck.

Wow. The emotions that were once evoked were too strong i guess. It still lingers everytime i recall those times. Hah, and i realised that some people just like to add tension to the already-tensed atmosphere by screaming for nothing! What. Was. That. All. About?

Zzzzzz. One week is gone. And with it, Math, A.Math & English papers too.
It's now time to burn all the arithmetic-related pieces of crap and the heaps of EL notes and w/s. (Aww, i think i'm starting to miss math already!)

Two weeks. Five days of exam papers.
Had a chat with ms tay yesterday and she asked me how the papers have been so far. I just smiled (sheepishly) and she said, " OH! That's cos the humanities papers are not being tested yet!"

o________o Thanks uh! Hahahaa.

Yeah, quite true la actually.

So, here's to TWO WEEKS of memorising!
I will survive.

2009-10-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.

Okay, i don't know why i'm so happy. At least, i think i am.
Math paper was okay. HAHA, I'M KIDDING.

It was...................... I don't know what to say. But i'll have you know that it's going to be difficult attaining an A1. Gahh. But i think i did good, (since i totally couldn't find a question to scrutinise), I am trying very hard to stay humble and not get cocky, cos i really don't know if i can get A1.

The most secure way to go about it is to score full marks- possible, but not for me.

Eee, i'm rambling.

Gahh. Tomorrow's Add. Math :D Gonna do good! Gonna do good! (encouraging myself, not being cocky)

Hah.

You know, i think there's something going on. Saw mdm eio today and she said, "You'd better get an A1 for my Chem." - Zooming into the "MY CHEMISTRY"- What the....... Okay, she scared me. Then, just before math paper, i saw ms aza and she said, "You got to do well uh. Must do well." - These people are scaring me. Just what is it that's going on?? I think something's wrong. I can sense it.

Hah, but eh, "NO STRESS, Eat chocolate" :)
-My new catchphrase.

2009-10-27T08:35:00.002+08:00

Hmm.
I realized that this is the only place where i can ramble about my day and stuff.
Get things off my chest. Ha, the word "friends" seems to have no meaning to me at this point, you know.

Well, i've come to admit that i have a fear. A fear that had developed when i least expected it to. A fear that I thought didn't even exist, at least in yours truly. Fuck it, i wish to overcome, but.. It's like internal conflict at the point of time.

To be honest, my hands kept trembling yesterday, throughout the course of examination. It's even shaking now, as i type all this. Why? Why, is it trembling? It's nothing like i've been through before, and i'm really afraid that it'll consume me. No, i must overcome this.

Hai, such a weakling.
I am made to crack under pressure. All along, i thought i was stronger? Hmm. It was the English Paper yesterday by the way. Let's just keep our fingers crossed, and hope for the best. I was calmer when sitting for paper2, and whether fortunate or unfortunately for me, it was easy. Meaning, everyone will have no problem scoring for it. So it'll boil down to paper1, the screwed one! Hah. Freak.

Nevermind nevermind. Let it be a lesson learned.

Am going to do great for Math later on. I really hope so.
But having said all that, i am proud that i did my best to calm myself. So whatever the result, i have no regrets.

Go kick ass, fara!

2009-10-24T20:27:00.002+08:00

Hai. Sad life.

You know, i went to watch the girls' training yesterday. But it was totally dampening. Cos the feeling's really gone. Gone for good, i suppose. I was literally standing there, watching them train like i was some spectator, whom no one recognised. The worst part just got to be the moment when i saw the setters making the same mistakes as i did, but not being able to openly guide them. Or even comment for that matter. Struggling with inner self. You know, like, you see someone attempting to commit suicide but you don't dare say a word, that kinda thing?

Aiya. Don't know la.

I think i need to make more friends. Be more sociable or something. Cos i'm feeling that feeling again. Hai.

Stay up with me tonight..........

2009-10-19T07:54:00.003+08:00

Don't know what came over me yesterday. Nonsense!
Gahh. I hate it when people breathe down my neck. Yes, i appreciate the thought and concern, but hey! I know what i'm doing. And no matter how much i want to do silly things, i won't okay. Cos, cos i'm old enough to think. Think. So much that it has become the root of all my troubles.

Whatever. That was yesterday. Today's different :)
I woke up, looking successful people. And i remember why i'm trying so hard to be like them. Hah, yes, motivation is back.

There's no time to lose.
Feels good. Finally picking up from where i left.

2009-10-17T18:58:00.002+08:00

Hai. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Kept falling for the wrong kind of people... Love, is lethal.
Fuck it, just want to numb it, but i can't. It's just too deep. Fuck it, fuck it.

After four years of 'decency', i decide that there's no harm in letting out the vulgarities anymore. Ha, who am i trying to kid?? I'm not that demure, good-natured people bursting out of BP; I'm just 'misplaced'.
Actually, i've thought about the things i wish to do after my Os. And the first thing on the list is definitely to get out of this social mess. I'm in a total mess seriously.
I don't even know why, OH WHY, i'm making myself feel so miserable.

Gahh.
"Start with the end in mind." Guess what? The 'end' in my case is to get my ass off this place.

2009-10-14T05:45:00.000+08:00

Snap out of it.

2009-09-28T01:12:00.002+08:00

I like this song :)

Haa. You know, after so long, i've grown to be more sensible. I am finally seeing how valuable kinship is, how i value family ties so much. Like they say, 'Nothing beats kinship." But having said that, i feel a tinge of regret, for only realising it now. She's gone. Gone for good.

Still, i'm glad i have a family, and caring aunts, who are willing to put up with my social ineptness. Sad to say, i was the one struggling to get along, but people mistake that as me, being arrogant. I don't mean to give that kind of impression, but i can't help it, really.

Was too bothered about how people would think. Now, finally, i'm living a life.

Upon realization, i find that i'm working hard to get a better life, for the peple around me. I really want this.

2009-09-15T20:38:00.004+08:00

Haaaaaa. I seriously need to readjust my body clock.
Has gone totally haywire now. Frustrating.

Have to get down to serious business after fasting month. I can feel myself lagging behind. (am currently working on speech draft2 with sleepy eyes) Sucks ttm.

Anyway.. You know something? Have been struggling to get myself to sleep. Hmm. Probably because i've been eating quite later than i usual do. And digestion takes place. Yeahh. You know what i mean.

Hah. Have been short-tempered too lately, plus i have short attention span.

Okay, i don't know why i'm rambling here. Got to finish work.

2009-09-14T20:39:00.002+08:00

I have this fear.
I don't know how to describe it.

It's always there; never once stop lingering.
Everytime i laugh, i'm hoping to drive it away.
When i breathe, i'd hold my breath for as long as i could, for it's the only instant when i could take the troubling feeling off my chest.
But... But it can only last that long.

Who am i kidding? I'm not making myself feel any better, for what i'm doing is running away.

For once, i admire those of courage, who dares to face their fears right back and taking them on. Indeed i ought to learn how to face these fears, instead of constantly making futile attempts to escape.

For the fears will always be there, unless i brace myself and take them on.

"Everyone will get there. But in our case, it's a matter of who will get there in time."

2009-09-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

Morbid? Hahhh.

Haiyo, brain dead.
There's two pieces of work yet to be completed. Dang.
Been doing math papers the past few days and it seems like the right side of my brain's on a strike or something. Just can't seem to sit down and write essays.

Eee. The two sides are taking turns to function.

Anyway, you know on tv, there's this ad by TODAY, about the turning ballerina? It's so freaky how different people see it differently. I, for one, saw the thing turning clockwise, but after trying hard to figure out how people would see it turn the other way, and succeeding in doing so, i haven't been able to see it spinning clockwose anymore. What does that mean, anyway?

Is it all in the mind?

Sheesh.

2009-09-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

I'm going crazy. There isn't one night that i can sleep without thinking about the things i could still do...
Insane.

So there goes the five-day 'holiday'. I didn't do much :( apart from going to school every day to do work from 8.30-4/5pm, i didn't do anything else. Sad life.

Anyway, played with the bgirls this morning :) Exciting eh... Sophia, tiffany and all came back too.
The last set was crazy; Bgirls08 vs Bgirls07(+junhao)
It was tight man. Gahh. Hahh, made me use up 3/4 of my energy= low attention span
Decided to forgo the day's study session and went straight home to bathe and sleep. But heck, only got an hour nap
:(

I have no idea why i'm still up at this hour.

A loss. A great loss. He's right; I don't think i'll ever interact with these people again.
Just, forget and move on?

2009-09-10T18:41:00.000+08:00

One chapter after the other. A new target, a new beginning, new people, new environment...
I guess, that's how i am, ever-changing. Realised that i've never stick to an environment for more than four years.
Towards the end, i'd always detach myself, preparing to adapt to new people, new places...

Forget everything and move on.

Keep moving on, never looking back.
This is how i am. I'm individualistic.

Soon, another period will end.
Plus, looking at how things are now, i doubt i'll ever look back, to the life i had in bpvb.
A thing of the past.

For all you know, after graduation, you'd never see me again.

2009-09-09T05:47:00.000+08:00

Hmm. Just thought that i should let this out...
Had a talk with ms lim yesterday, and i've come to realise, how ironic things may turn out. It seems like the people we have ignored or put down the past year and 3/4, are those you can count on for support...

At some point, i think i've really run out of words to say. How, hmm, how strange.

Now, the thought of having to seek help from those whom i've neglected the past year or so, makes me feel so bad. Lousy. Hah.

Such irony.

2009-08-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

Waiting for jessica to get her ass online..........

I don't think i can wait for her that long. Am tired :(
But, today's been a great day!

Well, because i got to see all my best teachers smiling :)
And even though i started the day a little off, it still worked out in the end. Even better actually.
Hah.
Had ACES in the morning, some martial arts aerobics. Quite fun eh, but that lingying kept turning and staring at me, so a bit paiseh -.-
Then the P cut the cake, and we went for a break. And jessica told me something. HAH. Didn't know why i couldn't accept it at first. I know i don't have the right to object, but i felt a little betrayed, you know. Cos i thought we had a 'deal' to stay single and i thought she clean forgotten our pact. But, realised that she didn't, and she really cared about how i'd react to it? I was touched.

Had some concert. And MISS ALICE LIM WAS 'CROWNED' THE MOST CARING TEACHER! yes-uh, love her to the max man! M2's treasure ^^

Had CIP later that morning- newspaper collection.
At the gate, i saw ms tay! :) Gave her a hug^^ And i know that i'll miss her :( alot. alot. alot...
CIP was, rather fun, as previous years though i got rejected by an uncle. Sad case man. HAH. I must've have disrupted his perfect dream or something! Or he's was probably doing SOMETHING. *ahem*
So yeah, the stacks of old newspapers and clothes that we gathered weren't as much as the last year. I forgot how many kilos we collected...
Yeah, gathered everyone, presented the gifts (from our hearts) to both miss lim and ms kong:) Took class photos too!
Aww, ms lim and ms kong wanted to cryyyyyyyyyyyyy.............

I was touched. Honestly. Seriously, despite the initial unhappiness, i love my class man. M2, to me, is the most wonderful and nicest group of people that i've ever met in my life. It's a blessing to be part of this class. My 16th year- the most memorable one.

Went back to school with renxian, to take yeekhang's wallet. But ended up, helping out to sort the newspapers from the pile of clothings. Trucks ad trucks filled with them! Crazy. Hahaha, but we did it! (though i slowed down towards the end)
Caught a movie, with renxian, sandy and yeekhang. "THE PROPOSAL"
I wanted to take a nap actually, ended up talking to rx. About stuff. Both pleasant, or otherwise.
Hahaha. Okay la, he passed my 'test'.

Hmm. Given a choice, i wouldn't have spent today any other way. For me, i truly, truly enjoyed this year's T day. Cos i know, it's my last, as a BPian. I am going to miss this. I am going to miss the teachers so much. Such real teachers, you can only find them here. I hope, these people will continue to inspire the lives of future bpians. To be honest, i don't want to leave, because as soon as i have to, i won't have the pillars of support anymore.

Can we always stay as bpians?
Why must all good things come to an end?

2009-08-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

Hmmmmmmm.
Well, i guess the best place to spill is here, where strangers happen to 'hop' by..
Hmm. I think i'm losing it already. As hard as i try to wriggle out of the UN-happy mood, i just can't. Something is bothering me, and it's obvious.
My appetite is long gone, i am stuck feeling nauseated for the past week and i can't sleep well.. Yes, i can 'sleep', as in close my eyes for bed, but i could be lying there for hours and still feel tired as soon as i open my eyes. It's as though i was onky there for minutes.

Used to think that this wasn't stress. Used to believe that i could pull through... But with this constant throbbing headache every night, i could well be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I know that i'm just scaring myself by typing these in words, but strangely, i feel a little better, somehow.

For now, i have to stick to squeezing lemon into my drinking water, eat half the portion for meals(even though it was already pathetic to start with), massage my head before going to bed........
And the list goes on.

I think i'm pathetic, as in, the state that i'm in now.
And it's not only because of the Os... Something is seriously bothering me.

I screwed my prelims.
Although i know that the goal i set is too high, too unrealistic for now, too demanding... even if i lose myself after this, i don't care. This is the only thing worth fighting for, for now...
There's too much at stake. I cannot lose it just yet.

2009-08-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

Tough. Difficult. Hard. A million miles away. A never-ending pursuit...
But is it IMPOSSIBLE?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. If he can do it, i can too! And i'll do it all the same.
Sometimes, i wonder if knowing you, has caused me to put more pressure on myself, or... No. I believe, your achievements should be a motivation, for me.

The things you've accomplished were once, yes, once-thought impossible. Like, scoring full marks for a humanities paper. That's crazy. But you've done it. Several times at that.
Hmmm.

I guess, sometimes, when you have a clear goal and a never-say-die attitude, you can achieve the once-thought impossible.
Hearing about your failures make me look at mine at a different angle.

I'm actually astounded by how much more, this one person has gained as compared to his peers, just by the few extra qualities that he bear.

Thanks man. You're an inspiration.

2009-08-26T19:10:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOSH.
I seem to have added some weird-ass on facebook. Real freaky sia! Scare me until half dead man.
Make my account so lagggggggggggg. Eeeyerh. Shouldn't have added. Grrrrrr. Must be some virus.
Haiyo. Whoever reading this, just don't add that person. See la! i anyhow accept then become like this. Shitttttttttttt.
Anyway, tmr's my last paper.
Fine uh physics students, finally you guys get a day off!

Hah, would probably give out flyers tmr? Or not. M2's blocks are very far away~ Near southview primary. Why? Why so far? zzzzzzzz. Okay, got to go now.

2009-08-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. It just keeps going~!
I'm tired man. Just got home a hour ago. Totally wasted the afternoon. Plus, my song..... CMI. I think i'll just give it up bah.

No inspiration.

Anyway, had both chemistry and biology paper2 this morning. Okay bah.. I guess.
The bio paper was killer, cos it made me write super fast. Okay i was scribbling. But make sense uh :)
Tired sio.
okay, i need to go.

NO SCHOOL FOR ME TMR!

2009-08-20T19:27:00.000+08:00

Was the last candidate. Yes, i had to wait for two and a half hours for my turn lah. Zzz.
And i was the only M2 amongst the P1s. So bored.
Was sittig there, constantly changing my 'pose' every minute! Hahah.
Ad i was sitting at the same table as this guy(shall ot be named). It was damn obvious that he is an outcast of his class. So sad eh. But he sonded kind of gay :x Wah, i'm so evil. But i'm being honest here man.

So, started reading books. It was the library, you know, books everywhere. Biology- it was a borrrrrrrring book. It made bio seemed just pieces of facts put together using stapler -.- not literally.

It was damn cold too.I kept walking around.
Went to the toilet and was escorted. hah.
Mrs Hoe was funny. She came with clips and pinned up the girls 'stray' fringe. Hah, i was the guai one :)

Time passed so slowly......
I think i did all that i could do i the library. Pushed in all the chairs, arrange all the books like damn neatly like some anally retentive person. FINALLY, at 5.25pm my turn came.

Saw the passage and picture. Doable i guess.

Oral turned out fine, i think. I said "laaaaaaah" thrice -.- But both examiners were friendly i guess. Okay, the lady didn't agree with me at some point and the guy closed his eyes throughout. What's up with that?

Talked till my mouth wet really dry. Was trying to salivate my lips constantly till there weren't any saliva left. For a moment, i stared at their bottled water, tempted to say, "Sorry, can i have a sip?" -.- Doomed.

2009-08-19T17:02:00.000+08:00

I'm going mad.
From a sore throat, to a fever and running nose to a bad cough and funny voice.
Can't take it anymore! Over-heating, but i'm not running a temperature currently. Well, at least that's what the thermometer indicates.
I was so close to fainting just now i swear.
Like, total, circuit failure? Gahh.

And did i mention that i finally succumb to the sickness and went to consult the doctor this afternoon. He told me my symptoms were those of H1N1, but since i'm not running he high tmeperature, he dismissed the possibility of me having it. Well, FOR NOW.
And i totally skipped EL olevel orals! Damn it. I'm so going to be the last candidate for tomorrow's batch. Let's just hope that i don't start repeating the same exact words that the other students would use and bore the examiners to death!

(omg, i' sweating profusely as i type this.)

This is insane. I hate falling sick at such a crucial juncture! Gahhhhhh.
Actually, come to think of it,i've always had something cropped up at the last minute whenever it's the oral exams! Like the last four years, while waitig for my turn during the PSLE orals, i had bad stomachache. Now what about that?! Madness.

I think it's my body's way of indicating nervous breakdown! Hell.
Hah, to those who are thinking about how mad i am for skippig orals just like that, don't worry, cos i have MC and I've informed the teacher in-charge. Thanks god for the reshedule!

Oh, and lastly, to those who are receiving(OH DAMN. They received it already -.-) their MT results, good luck!

Wish me good health :|

2009-08-18T12:56:00.000+08:00

Blah blah blah. Whatever man. You're such a complicated woman.
Gahh.

My throat is slowly recovering............ It's now a 24-hour mission to get my voice back. MUST okay.
Oral tomorrow. And omg, i have dark eye rings. I better sleep now.
No appetite. No mood.
Shall sleep. Or, shoud i _______??? YES YES YES........
:)

2009-08-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

Hahha, honourable mention? Haiyo.

OMG. I can just fall flat somewhere............ Flu bug. Sian.
At a time like this. Nice one uh.
I guess, the ss-devastation hit me hard this time :( Hai.
I refuse to see the doctor, cos i don't want MC. There's like maths maths papers this world coming week, not to mention my EL Os oral this wed.... :(
I'm not trying to shirk social responsibility.
Okay, fine. I'm stubborn.

The worst thing about getting sick is when you mucus starts dripping as you try to do workkk. Efff.

2009-08-15T09:52:00.000+08:00

Am feeling good because of yesterday. NOT the ss exam okay. That made me feel damn terrible :(
Thanks uh Qiqi and irna!

2009-08-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

Oh my god.
Please don't tell me that my vision's getting bad. Noooo.
It's still blurred now. Stupid.

And today's paper. Hai, don't even want to comment. In any case, my heart wasn't with me during the 2-hour duration. Argggggh. Been lamenting since 5.15pm. Gahh.
Told my mum about it. She didn't say anything :(
Someone, i need youuuuuuuuuuuuu.

I need a pillar of support.
Sometimes, i wonder how i managed to climb thus high, when there wasn't anything behind me at all. All along, it was only me, perseverance, and will. Two of them had left. I'm left with 'me'.

Oh yeah, i told my mum about my prelims. She said it wasn't important. HAH. Thanks eh. Hahha. I FEEL ALL BETTER. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where's naggy nag naggggggggggggggggg???????

2009-08-09T17:27:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore~!
:)

Proud to be a Singaporean, you know ;)
Hah. Anyway, spent the afternoon at sembawang park. Barbecue ^^
Just 4hours, and i've turned two shades darker, believe it or not! Suck eh. Screw you la, melanin!
Now i'm like chaotar already la~

Wahhhhh. Tired ttm. I want to sleeeeeeeeeep.
Oh yeah, i'm going to be done with chapter11 by tomorrow! Woohoo. And for ss, sad to say, only done with healthcare part1. Die. Die. Die. -------------------------------------------

Will get it done soon. Now, i'm bloated! Eat so many wings. Going to puke uh. Gahhhhhh.

When can i ever change? Hai.

2009-08-08T09:47:00.000+08:00

My mum just stood up on me on a wonderful Saturday :(
I'm hurt okay!
Hahha. She went off to work, but we'd agreed today's going to be picnic day. Sian. Gahh.

Anyway, woke up at 5plus to cover chapter10:Respiration. Not completed yet la. Am still trying to figure out the inestigations cos I KNOW I WROTE THE ANSWERS SOMEWHERE BUT I CAN'T RECALL WHERE. Stu.Pid.
So now i'm lost cos i don't know what to do today, since i got stood up -.-

Oh yeah, I SLEPT FRO 12HOURS straight. Like pig uh. But seriously, was damn tired after yesterday's game, believe it or not. I guess, i'm old already :(
Sucker.

Gahh.

Consistency, confidence and luck.